My Lyrics and Music

Now, for a few years now I've embarked on creating hip hop music (more so rapping as my talents in producing are that of none). Now, before you turned away and say "Oh, Eww rap lyrics", I consider my lyrics to border on Poetry with heavy use of surrealism. Anyways, check them out and tell me what you think.

Not An Intro:
Listen Here
Lyrics on that page for those interested!

Casually Crude:
Listen Here
Lyrics on that page for those interested


Old stuff:
Say Goodbye:
Listen Here

Spoiler:

Tough with the timing, barely fucked with the rhyming,
Silence is golden, so I turn to nothing for diamonds,
I'm stuck in alignment, Got that original essence,
can't sound real, i'm in this physical presence,
Pivotal lessons, the coldest to scorch,
mainstream is dim, so i'm just holding this torch,
Choking on course, my minds hopeless lost,
To cracked mirrors, just reflecting broken thoughts,
Like growth to plots, but I stumble on thesis,
Turn over a new leaf, and find it crumble to peices,
Mumble releases, the hollowest schemes,
I sleep to hope, and just start following dreams,
from wallowing themes, and hopeless stance,
With perfect thoughts, for the broken man,
you Cope with plans, flawed to this living,
Like food for thought, to the poverty stricken,
your lost when you listen, to image and game,
Mainstream was bright, marketing diminished the flames...

Conscious:
Listen Here

Spoiler:

Dark corners open, When lights diminished,
Clear skys broken, When lightning hits it,
this creature stitched it, honing his art,
Alone from the start,Felt controlled, A drone without smarts,
Has a pale expression, from failed impressions,
Stale and stressing over his failed direction
reflection of self was his perception of wealth,
Wrecked it through health, with injections and belts,
Swaying his match while he's laying in trash,
Facing the fact that he's degraded and CRACKED,
Harms in distance, Cold and abused,
Arms for swiftness when he's scolding for food,
He speaks quickly, when finding agression,
A three-sixty in his blinded-directions,
Confined to his presence, Depression it boasts,
Blind from the heavens, Regret as a ghost,
Decides a fast plan, Gos to the trash can,
in his grasped hand, pictures of a past man,
His last stance, Finally wake up,
Face depression, And finally break up,
Finally faced luck, Interviews no oppostion,
forgot depiction, hill were his propositined.
Gloomy skys and the sun met,
Ruined it's trys, So he could see the sun set...

Mentality:

Spoiler:

Crazy at first, it gets hazy and worse,
In this maze, lost to how crazyness works,
So they're Embracing these words to record and keep,
stunned! without the vocal chords to speak,
they're stored in keep, right inside their mind broken,
fed so much imagery it left the blind choking,
Design's coping, when this insanity enters,
hallucination, their stranded through ventures,
Planting these efforts, as thoughts to waste,
but the thoughts they make just a flawless trait,
they stop to break, so they just depict the worst,
inflicted curse that starts to grips their words,
quick to lurk, it's tough on the line,
when sickness has strucken the mind...

Roses: New!

Spoiler:

It's like, I'm deadly to closeness,
Watching beauty split, like pedals from roses...
but that colors the image, for what hovers in distance,
red faces appear, when covered from visions,
A grey room, masks their pale expressions,
Three in total, circle their trails of guessing,
Follow each other, when they linger and mourn,
give helping hands, with fingers of thorns...

It's like, I'm ready to close this,
Watching beauty split, like pedals from roses...
Green smothers the grey surrounding,
stuck from moving, they stay grounding,
Head's shaking, they turn and see,
that one of them has turned to seeds,
the thorns fall off, but there visions are blurred,
because there existence, diminished to words...

And if your interested in those, I have more stuff here. Lyrics, Freestyle and other various things.

Well, no one can tell him he has to leave forever, anyway...

Don't we already have a black guy spouting shitty rhymes on this board?

Oh, in all seriousness, keep on trucking Contracts. Besides, I have no idea whether or not you're black.

His lyrics aren't BAD. They're not great, either though. They just don't go anywhere which is my problem with rap today. It doesn't go anywhere.

I don't mind the lyrics so much, but I think you should branch off towards poetry, and no more of this 'rap' stuff. You sound like a 15 year old white boy trying to sound black, and it just sounds awkward. But your writing isn't that bad. I can see some potential there. Just get away from the cliche themes. Also, your rhyme isn't so bad, but learn some meter =P

Originally Posted by Divest

His lyrics aren't BAD. They're not great, either though. They just don't go anywhere which is my problem with rap today. It doesn't go anywhere.

Yeah, I assume you read "Say Goodbye", which was more of just lines that I thought sounded nice spliced together. However, did you read Conscious? It has a story to it. Regardless thanks for taking the time to read any of my stuff.

Originally Posted by Smelnick

I don't mind the lyrics so much, but I think you should branch off towards poetry, and no more of this 'rap' stuff. You sound like a 15 year old white boy trying to sound black, and it just sounds awkward. But your writing isn't that bad. I can see some potential there. Just get away from the cliche themes. Also, your rhyme isn't so bad, but learn some meter =P

I know on some of my tracks I have a imitation style within approaching certain things vocally (yes, trying to sound black), but on Conscious I felt I mostly talked normally and laid back without the intention's of "trying to sound like a rapper" (Other then the straight forward "Yo" at the beginning). I'm going to say regardless of how my voice sounds, I enjoy rap(ping) over creating poetry. I'm still trying to find my style in rap, all it's going to take is more and more experience. Anyways thanks for taking the time to read/listen to my stuff.

I read all of them actually.

The rhyme scheme is nice and technical.. that along with your sig tell me you're an underground head. ^_^

Granted that there is a certain level of depth to your lyrics, I must agree with Divest in saying that they don't go anywhere. Keep at it.

Just bumping this, as I've added links to the audio form of "Say Goodbye" and added a new piece called "Roses". I changed up my style, to incorporate a more "story" focused appeal, regardless if it doesn't sound (look) like it, there is an overlying story and message. I worked heavily with metaphors, definitely different from my other stuff. Regardless, any thoughts and/or opinions would be great. Thanks

You just started rapping - I can tell. Just by reading your lyrics, they aren't bad, rhyme scheme is actually pretty good, but as a rapper, it ain't just about the rhyming. Your flow and delivery are just horrid, but it's something that's gonna come with time.

If you wanna be an emcee, just keep droppin'.

Night Phoenix, I took some of your words into consideration. A long with a lot of other people, and since then I've been fine tuning my stuff and I guess I can say with confidence I sound significantly better then the previous tracks posted.

Just bumping, I have those two new tracks up above - with beats provided by producers who are now willing to give/make me beats.