The One Shot Joke Thread.

A baker is baking some jumbo muffins. He gets two ready, and puts them in the oven. Once in the oven, one muffin turns to the other and says "HOLY SHIT WE'RE GONNA DIE!" and the turns back and says "HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!"

A man walkes into his bedroom, holding a sheep, and says "This is the pig i fuck when you say you have a headache." His wife replies, "That's a sheep." At this the husband says "I believe i was talking to the sheep."

Pee-Wee Herman was recently arrested for masturbating in public. Chuck Noris was recently given an award for masturbating in public.

Originally Posted by bradtheman

what five letter word gets smaller when you add two letters?

That word would be "Small".....lol

Ok, Let's try this riddle, it was from before the board crashed, but regardless....

Ok, here's the Scenario...

On 1 island, there are 6 wells (labeled 1- 6) and on another island there is one well (labeled 7). If you drink water from any of the wells, you will be poisoned. You can only be cured if you drink water from a higher numbered well. So For example, if you drink water from well #4, you can only be cured by drinking water from well #5-7. So there is a man on the large island as well as a dragon. They don't like each other so they drew up the terms for a duel. This was that each person would give the other a bucket of water that they had to drink out of. The Man CANNOT swim and therefore, cannot reach well 7. The dragon, on the other hand, can fly over to well #7. So, the dragon, so sure of himself, agreed to the terms. For the duel, the Dragon flies over to Well #7 to get water for the man. They meet back at the large island and swap buckets of water. Afterwards, the dragon goes back to drink the water from Well #7 in order to cure himself of whatever the man gave him. Within a few hours, the dragon is dead and the man is still alive. How does the man survive the poison and the dragon die from poison when he has the ultimate antidote?

The only thing I can think of is that the man gave the dragon seawater, so when the dragon went off to drink from the number 7 well, he drank to his death.
The man lived because he took a drink of the lower-numbered poisoned water before drinking the water from the dragon, thus saving him.

That was fast.....but ok.....good job on that.

Oh, I'm sorry. Was I supposed to let that linger around for a while or something, so people can ponder it over?

I can put the answer in spoiler tags if you want.

By the by, I like riddles. :3

Nah, whatever....I'm not sure of many more riddles, so go ahead and post some if you know some good ones...

Ok, well here is a good riddle for you all:

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

Might it be pressure?

Originally Posted by josho

Might it be pressure?

Quote:

I turn pancakes brown

Considering this ^ I would think that is the wrong answer.

Also, please give explanations for your answers. I wouldn't want this thread to be cracked down on like the Guess the Anime Screenshot thread.

Although my answer is wrong, i'll explain.

I turn polar bears white = (Higher Atmospheric pressure means slower melinin for a polar bear. Melinin is the pigment that changes colour in your skin/eyes/hair.)

and I will make you cry. = (Could be a result of peer pressure.)

I make guys have to pee = (Pressure of the bladder.)

and girls comb their hair. (Could also be a result of peer pressure.)

I make celebrities look stupid = (Celebrities could feel stressed thus leading to pressure.)

and normal people look like celebrities. = (Peer Pressure could cause this.)

I turn pancakes brown = (Pressure can cause heat and thus heat will turn the pancake brown.)

and make your champane bubble. = (A bubble is the release of air and air pressure.)

If you sqeeze me, I'll pop. = (If you could squeeze say a container of pressurized gas it would explode.)

If you look at me, you'll pop. = (Could also be a result of peer pressure. Everyone staring at you could make you "pop".)

If it wasn't for the pancake thing, i would have said wind. But i know this is not holding so...

The hardest part is to see exactly how does one "pop". I assume this is object is tangible since you can hold it, squeeze it, and pop it. How about a hint, packrat?

Originally Posted by packrat

Ok, well here is a good riddle for you all:

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

I'm taking the coward's way out, but after making my brain do backflips, this is what I came up with:

Spoiler:

My answer is "no." The riddle asks me if I can guess the answer and no, I cannot.

...I know, it's kind of stupid, but that's my guess.

Why Was Santa Nervous At Christmas Time? Because He Has Low Elf-isteem

Originally Posted by Adara

I'm taking the coward's way out, but after making my brain do backflips, this is what I came up with:

Spoiler:

My answer is "no." The riddle asks me if I can guess the answer and no, I cannot.

...I know, it's kind of stupid, but that's my guess.

Makes a valid point. Since I really can't guess the riddle either.

Originally Posted by Adara

I'm taking the coward's way out, but after making my brain do backflips, this is what I came up with:

Spoiler:

My answer is "no." The riddle asks me if I can guess the answer and no, I cannot.

...I know, it's kind of stupid, but that's my guess.

You win.

The best part is that in the history of this riddle, most little kids asked it answered it correctly right away, while many Harvard graduates racked their brains for ages trying to figure it out.

That's ridiculous! Regardless of the fact of being able to solve the riddle or not, you can never have a riddle that has no answer. It's stupid in my opinion.

Originally Posted by han89

Regardless of the fact of being able to solve the riddle or not, you can never have a riddle that has no answer.

What do you mean? The question of the riddle was answered. At the very end of the riddle is the question "can you guess the riddle?"
That question is part of the riddle, and is the only question asked. Whether or not there may be such a thing in the universe that fits all of the descriptions is beside the point. It asks if you can guess it. Period.

Bad joke time:

What do you do if you're ever attacked by a circus?

Go for the juggler!