Love or sex?

Well when you truly love someone, you enjoy everything they do! If he's not doing it for you, ladies, maybe it's your own infidelity in your heart that you should blame.

I've never been in love with a girl who has loved me, and I've never had good sex.

So, I can't answer this question honestly, but I would choose mutual unconditional love for a lifetime over 3 or 4 great minutes in bed every now and then. There's nothing better than finding someone who you are truly compatible with, and being with someone like that for your whole life has to be exhilarating.

Originally Posted by sprouticus

I would choose mutual unconditional love for a lifetime over 3 or 4 great minutes in bed every now and then. There's nothing better than finding someone who you are truly compatible with, and being with someone like that for your whole life has to be exhilarating.

Agreed. I've had amazing sex... but the guy was a loser at life and didn't care about me. He pretty much made me decide to go celibate for the rest of my life, because I couldn't take the ups and downs of life like that.

Later on, about three years, I met someone that makes life so worth living that being away from him is wretched. And he's the shy type in bed. I'm hoping in the long run that he'll gain confidence and we'll develop this amazing sexual bond... but even if that never happens I wouldn't even think of giving him up. There's too much to our relationship outside of the bedroom for sex to get in the way. We're so emotionally and mentally entwined that just laying with him and falling asleep is more contenting than any 'big event' in the past ever was.

Maybe I'll complain more when we've been married a while. *shrug*

Definitely love. Being single can be nice, but eventually you get really lonely and want someone to love and care for.

Also it depends on what you mean by they are bad in bed also. If it was a female, how would they be bad in bed? Just lay there like a lump on a log? Show no passion or any enjoyment? Other than that I don't know if I would classify it as bad, just not as good as others. Unless the girl's vagina is insanely big so anything easily fits up there, sex is always going to feel good.

I think it is much easier for guys to have bed issues. Like if the guy ejaculates in like 2 seconds every time then I could see how there could be major problems. Also if there are issues with impotence and stuff. But things can be done to fix those to work with someone you love.

Unless the girl has an insanely big vagina or the guy has an insanely small penis, I really can't see how the sexual issues can't be worked with to be improved if you really love that person. Also for it to be that bad to where it is that much of a problem is really rare anyway.

So anyway, my point is that if you love them you can always work on the sex thing later to improve it if it is an issue. But finding someone you love isn't easy.

Originally Posted by a lurker

Well when you truly love someone, you enjoy everything they do! If he's not doing it for you, ladies, maybe it's your own infidelity in your heart that you should blame.

I agree, i also believe that in if you love someone , you love everyhting about her/him, even sex is unlike sex with other friend men/women.

Sex without truelove <<< Sex with truelove.
Problem is getting truelove.
People being victim of consensusreality are obsessed with IDEA of love rather than love itself.
Thats why there are breaks ups, notrust, failed marraiges etc.

People confuse attraction,infatuation,crush and love with each other.
When you are in truelove , things like sex are even more enjoyable regardless one can act good or bad on bed.(however if one is having problem raising dick , its something else, i am not talking about medical problems here).

Originally Posted by Sexninja

I agree, i also believe that in if you love someone , you love everyhting about her/him, even sex is unlike sex with other friend men/women.

If you love someone you can put up with *almost* anything, but you won't enjoy everything about them. That would require completely suspending your free will. No one is perfect, even if you're in love with them.

You automatically suspend evrything and feel good about it, in other words enjoy it.
That someone is man/woman of your dreams, someone you never thought you deserved, so even the shittiest thing would feel really good for you.

Yeah, ok Dawson. But we exist in the real world. You can love them all you want, that "cute" laugh when you first start dating? Part of how she was so perfect? It's going to drive you up the fucking wall later. Her love of animals, surpassing her care of people that made you think she was selfless? Yeah, you'll think it makes her batshit irritating in a while.

This is how it works. You adapt. You find the person who compliments you. You're putting the fucking pussy on a pedestal. Stop it.

I choose love. Being married, I know that eventually with age my parts are not going to work the way they did in youth so having that partner to hold my hand when I need her is good enough for me.

I see this often in my church with the old folks. Grey and bent with age, sometimes shuffling around or in a wheel chair, they carry on with their life partner sometimes pushing the chair or a shoulder to lean on. I can only hope I have someone there like that when i'm their age.

"rolls eyes". its not all about sex you know. if i had someone who loved me for me i woudnt care.

thats sort of a stupid question i mean come on. but i guess its the sad awnser today that more people care more about "good sex" then having a real relationship

I still don't see what's wrong with admitting that there needs to be both. It's almost like some of you get offended that other people require love as well as good sex.

To Geddings, I think it's very naive of you to say that if you had someone who loved you for you, you wouldn't care. I call bullshit on that. I think you would most definitely care in the long-term if you weren't being fulfilled sexually, unless you honestly don't care about sex at all.

Originally Posted by Alice

I still don't see what's wrong with admitting that there needs to be both. It's almost like some of you get offended that other people require love as well as good sex.

To Geddings, I think it's very naive of you to say that if you had someone who loved you for you, you wouldn't care. I call bullshit on that. I think you would most definitely care in the long-term if you weren't being fulfilled sexually, unless you honestly don't care about sex at all.

Alice = win.

Let's look at this logically, shall we? Humans are sexual beings. We have hormones. Evolution, mother nature, our libido, whatever you want to call it, insists that we have sex. It's part of our wiring to reproduce. Unless (as I mentioned earlier) you have a hormonal imbalance or an actual medical issue or anomaly, you have the drive to have sex. It's there. You can't do anything about it. It may not be as strong as someone else's, but it exists.

Bad sex means the sex you have (or attempted to have) doesn't do it for you. Not "oh it was medicore but I still got off," but "that was so horrifying/underwelming that not only did I not come but I was traumatized by the experience." Meaning that you are perpetually unfulfilled. Which means that you either go insane from bottling up your sexual desires, or you find some other outlet for it. Such as cheating. Or even masturbation.

Picture this, for a second. You fall in love with a fat girl. You hate fat girls, but you looooove her so much you marry her anyway. She's the love of your life. Only problem is, her body disgusts you so much that you can't even get it up, much less put it in her. So you find some other way to take care of it. Let's take the easy route and say you beat it off every so often. How do you think that makes her feel? You love her, but she doesn't get you off. You can only get off if you picture some other, hotter chick riding you. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you? Does that sound like happiness?

That shit tears marriages apart all the time. It doesn't matter how much you love each other, the frustration caused by that kind of sexual disconnect will drive a wedge between you a mile wide.

Now what you guys are saying is, if you truly love each other, shouldn't you be able to figure out a way to satisfy each other sexually, even if you don't click sexually to start out with? You should. Maybe. If you work hard enough. But that's not the question: the question was either/or. And if you honestly think that there exists a romantic love so great that it can survive unscathed when one or both partners are majorly sexually unfulfilled, then it's a really good thing that natural selection will do its work and prevent you from reproducing.

I hope you kids get what you wish for.

I don't think you can "fall in love" with someone who you aren't attracted to, so the fat girl thing is a bad example.

Falling in love is both sexual and platonic. Otherwise it is no different from loving a pet or family member.

Originally Posted by DragoonKain

I don't think you can "fall in love" with someone who you aren't attracted to, so the fat girl thing is a bad example.

Falling in love is both sexual and platonic. Otherwise it is no different from loving a pet or family member.

No, actually, it's a perfect example, for precisely the reason you suggested. It is ridiculous to suggest that romantic love can survive without sexual attraction and subsequent fulfillment.

Originally Posted by DragoonKain

I don't think you can "fall in love" with someone who you aren't attracted to, so the fat girl thing is a bad example.

Falling in love is both sexual and platonic. Otherwise it is no different from loving a pet or family member.

I don't know. If someone says they fell in love with a person they don't consider attractive, I'm willing to believe them. I don't know better than other people how they feel.

Additional Spam:
dammit nadi

But haven't you ever been in a situation where you think someone is adorable and cute and fun and all that other junk but you have no intention of ever sleeping with them because they just don't do it for you? I think most of us have. And some people - out of desperation or lack of sex drive or whatever - will happily settle for this kind of "love."

I am going to get soooo much shit for this, and I am very likely in the minority, but a person's general appearance/my attraction to them means very little me to begin with.

Before you guys jump all over me, let me explain! Please! ;_;

There was this guy once, right? I thought he was so goddamned attractive. I could stare at him all day! He was everything I ever liked, as far as looks were concerned.

Until I got to know his personality. And I didn't like it at all. This actually made me find him unattractive. No joke. I started to dislike that "attractive" look he had before I saw what kind of person he was.

On the other hand, I've met a LOT of ugly people. Really unattractive - people I would never consider myself being attracted to. Until they showed me who they were, and suddenly, they progressively became more and more attractive to me.

So I guess my argument is more about how a person can become attractive over time.

I'm not saying this because I am fat (though Nadi's post kind of made me cry inside). I am saying this because I genuinely think that peoples' minds are a hell of a lot more attractive than how they sell themselves on the outside.

I could chock it up to my being completely distrustful of anything I see on the exterior of a person.

Sex is VERY important, though. But like I said, a person becomes MORE attractive to me if they have a great mind. Even if they're a hideous pile of poo.

I think it's more of a progression for me. I don't really "find people attractive" like a normal person, I guess. I am INCAPABLE of looking at a person and thinking "God, I want to fuck them." I can not even CONCEIVE of the idea before hearing them express theirself. I wonder if this is abnormal.

I think anyone who would dispute that is crazy. And I know exactly what you mean. I've had the exact same experience with people I initially thought were attractive, and vice versa.

Brains are so sexy.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I am going to get soooo much shit for this, and I am very likely in the minority, but a person's general appearance/my attraction to them means very little me to begin with.

Before you guys jump all over me, let me explain! Please! ;_;

There was this guy once, right? I thought he was so goddamned attractive. I could stare at him all day! He was everything I ever liked, as far as looks were concerned.

Until I got to know his personality. And I didn't like it at all. This actually made me find him unattractive. No joke. I started to dislike that "attractive" look he had before I saw what kind of person he was.

On the other hand, I've met a LOT of ugly people. Really unattractive - people I would never consider myself being attracted to. Until they showed me who they were, and suddenly, they progressively became more and more attractive to me.

So I guess my argument is more about how a person can become attractive over time.

I'm not saying this because I am fat (though Nadi's post kind of made me cry inside). I am saying this because I genuinely think that peoples' minds are a hell of a lot more attractive than how they sell themselves on the outside.

I could chock it up to my being completely distrustful of anything I see on the exterior of a person.

Sex is VERY important, though. But like I said, a person becomes MORE attractive to me if they have a great mind. Even if they're a hideous pile of poo.

I think it's more of a progression for me. I don't really "find people attractive" like a normal person, I guess. I am INCAPABLE of looking at a person and thinking "God, I want to fuck them." I can not even CONCEIVE of the idea before hearing them express theirself. I wonder if this is abnormal.

I'm sorry, Sass. I wasn't referencing you in the least. Obviously, you don't have a problem, you're getting laid all the time. It was just the easiest thing to use--there are a fair number of guys who bitch about girls being fat. =/

You're not abnormal, I'm exactly the same way. I am not saying that I have to be initially attracted to the person's looks; I'm saying that there has to be...well, a spark. A spark that, for me, is driven much more by mind and personality than it is by physical appearance. Most guys don't get that, so simplifying it down to "you can't get off because you're not physically attracted to her" seemed easiest, because that's how they define "spark."

Perhaps that was a bit too simple, though.

Most guys I would classify as "physically attractive" I won't even look at twice, because they're so insufferably boring--or worse, they expect you to admire them all the time. The guys I typically date are average looking; a couple would definitely be called "ugly" by most people here. A repartee, however, can get me worked up without fail.