Love or sex?

My older sister is constantly compaining about her boyfriend of 5 years... him hanging with his friends, his movie choices, other stupid, pointless complaints. I've found myself getting pissy at her, because here she is, with a guy who loves her, a guy who supports her, who has done everything except propose (though we all know it will happen), and she complains about such trivial things.

Then there are the points when she complains about his abilities in bed, and I get really mad. I know that the physical side of a relationship can be an important part, yet, as someone who has never heard the words 'I love you' from any of her boyfriend's lips, I find myself thinking that I would rather have someone who loved me than someone who was great at sex.

Its hard to think about, as love and sex usually come hand in hand, but which would you choose? Someone who loved you unconditionally, but wasn't good in bed, or someone who was great at sex, but never really felt anything for you? Which would you choose... Love or Sex?

(I'm sure this topic could get to the point where it would be moved to the sewers, but lets keep it clean. )

Ugh, the idea of being with someone for the rest of your life, and they're horrible in bed? Christ, why not just have a very close friend? I vote neither. If we're talking forever, there's no middle ground. It's both or neither.

For the long term, I'd say someone who loved me. Sex is important, but as the years go by the lust part can fade, and you need to have something other than sex in common to keep things going. That's not to say I would be okay with an outright bad sex life, but if both people make the effort you should be able to get things at least to the point of being satisfactory.

On the other hand, I can see having someone you have great sex with, but no strong emotional bond, as a relief. Long term relationships are hard, and I see nothing wrong with finding someone you have a good time with for the short term.

At this stage in life? Sex, sex, sex. I'm 22; I want to fuck. This love stuff can wait. I don't think the power of bedroom antics can be ignored in any healthy relationship - we're all wired to get off, and if you can't get off with the person you're with, you're that much closer to looking elsewhere. Biology wins this one.

Love and sex are more or less equal. A good relationship needs to have both in it. One is (hopefully) the outcome of the other. However, this shouldn't dismiss either end of either spectrum (love and its short relationships and abuses, sex and its kinky shit and group activites) because thats what makes life interesting and thats how we learn and grow.

Exactly. As LeHah said, both are needed. If you're the nicest person in the world but horrible in bed, you're a friend. If you're annoying but great in bed you're a fuckbuddy. You need to have some of both to be a true romantic relationship.

Originally Posted by Arainach

You need to have some of both to be a true romantic relationship.

Well, wait a second. I think you can have a romantic relationship without sex - obviously, since I've been in relationships that were good and fun before I got ass from a girl. However, I don't think it would last long in most cases because people are sexual by default. Obviously there are exceptions and obviously people who are "romantic at heart" put feelings before eating a bitch out - but the question is can it last?

Quote:

but the question is can it last?

I say no.

I completely agree with everyone who said there has to be both, but I guess for me it really depends heavily on how long I intend for the relationship to last. If it's someone I plan to grow old with, I'd have to say that love is more important, without a doubt. However, at this stage in my life I can imagine being in the kind of relationship with someone where we didn't completely and unconditionally love each other, as long as the sex was great. I cannot envision being in a relationship with someone I really loved but was not having amazing sex with.

Ask me again when I'm 60 and I'll almost certainly give a different answer.

I dunno, but her boyfriend must be a complete retard. I would kick her in her face, repeatedly. Fucking bitch.

I mean, what the fuck, does she have a boyfriend just for the sake to receive premium intercourse or what

I sure do feel like the odd man out in this thread. I've got to say that I can easily imagine being in a relationship with someone where the sex wasn't great. Honestly I'm not even sure what it means to be good in bed anyway. I've never really understood the concept.

I've also got to ask... when people talk about sex, are they talking about just the "main event" or are they taking the whole sexual package? Especially if we're talking about someone who isn't good at the "main course" but whose other "side dishes" are just fine, that would be great as far as I'm concerned.

I don't find sex particularly important. I like it just fine, but it's not the most important thing in my relationships. In fact, I'd probably be the one who got dumped over something like this. I just don't have the sexual appetite that most people would look for in a partner. I'm in a relationship right now. Since it hasn't been all that long, I can't tell you whether it will last. What I can tell you is that my girlfriend has a similar view, and so we seem like we'd be compatible.

Originally Posted by Soluzar

I've also got to ask... when people talk about sex, are they talking about just the "main event" or are they taking the whole sexual package?

The way I thought of it was that the person you're in a relationship with wasnt incapable of sex... its not like there wouldnt be any sex or messing around or anything. It just... wouldnt be 'OMG THAT WAS AMAZING' kind of sex. Like the guy didnt last long, or the girl wasnt enthusiastic, or something similar.

I mean, I could just be a die-hard romantic at heart. If I love the guy, and he loved me, I think I'd be extremely happy, regardless of his abilities in bed.

Of course, like I said, this is just my thinking now. It's hard to describe without sounding pathetic, but I was so sure that my last boyfriend loved me, and when he broke up with me (telling me that he never really loved me, he always loved his high school girlfriend), I found my mind bargaining with itself, saying that I'd give up all the good sex we had if he had only loved me the way I loved him, because he was THAT amazing of a guy ('was' being the keyword here). So when my sister complained about her boyfriend's abilities in bed, of course I'd get bitchy, because she's so ungrateful for what she has.

Thus, this topic. I wanted to see what other people thought, or if they've had similar thoughts.

Originally Posted by Temari

I mean, I could just be a die-hard romantic at heart. If I love the guy, and he loved me, I think I'd be extremely happy, regardless of his abilities in bed.

As sexist as it sounds, this is a very "female" way of thinking. Men on the other hand, are usually driven "sexually". (Which is very strange, considering men are generally "logical thinkers" while women are generally "emotional thinkers".)

Originally Posted by LeHah

Men on the other hand, are usually driven "sexually"

I agree with you, but also wonder why men, when they seem to be so preoccupied with sex, become such lazy bastards about sex when they've been in a long term relationship. I don't mean 2 or 3 years. I mean like 10.

This phenomenon is part of why I wouldn't expect life-long earth shattering sex. It may be that way for a while, but I have yet to hear of a relationship where it stayed like that for the long haul.

Originally Posted by Midna

I agree with you, but also wonder why men, when they seem to be so preoccupied with sex, become such lazy bastards about sex when they've been in a long term relationship. I don't mean 2 or 3 years. I mean like 10.

Because once the tunnel's finished, walking up and down it for years and years isn't particularly exciting.

Originally Posted by Midna

I agree with you, but also wonder why men, when they seem to be so preoccupied with sex, become such lazy bastards about sex when they've been in a long term relationship. I don't mean 2 or 3 years. I mean like 10.

This phenomenon is part of why I wouldn't expect life-long earth shattering sex. It may be that way for a while, but I have yet to hear of a relationship where it stayed like that for the long haul.

People evolve physically, mentally and so does the couple and the relationship as a result. Sex just evolves along with all the rest. I think a truly fusional couple just gotta let nature do, on that aspect of things.

Plus I think "failure to get it up" (common for many men) might play in to that equation, Midna =(

I usually hear men griping about sex (ie: never given the chance) as opposed to women.

Originally Posted by Midna

I agree with you, but also wonder why men, when they seem to be so preoccupied with sex, become such lazy bastards about sex when they've been in a long term relationship. I don't mean 2 or 3 years. I mean like 10.

tiki hit it on the head WAY better than I could've.

In an animalistic sense, men need to "change it up", even move on to other women because they're biologically trained to impregnate as many women as possible. (Women, on the other hand, have the urge to pop out babies, though I don't think they have a particular urge to be gangfucked repeatedly.)

What's wrong with her telling him what he's doing wrong and changing up positions?

Fuck I hate how women are so quick to complain about their bf's bed behavior but don't fucking bother to either change it up or tell him things he can do to make the experience better.

Originally Posted by Devoxycontin

What's wrong with her telling him what he's doing wrong and changing up positions?

Because most women make a face when you go to stick it in their ass.