What is cheating?

That sounds pathetically ignorant, but hear me out.

In this day and age, how can you define it? Does it count as cheating if your partner is texting someone with a crush on him and they exchange rather explicit photos of each other? Or are we still in the old fashioned era of adultery, where only physical interaction counts?

If your partner feels it's cheating, it probably is. If you're hesitant to tell your partner about your activities, or you feel motivated to hide what you are doing, it's probably cheating.

So for instance, if you only hear about it say 4 months later and from the mouth of a jealous friend, that would be cheating? It's just I always held this view that allowing others to get that close and to show revealing pictures of yourself to them would still count.

If you wouldn't want your partner to find out what you were doing (things like buying a surprise gift excluded), it's cheating.

Basically when you enter into a relationship two people can have very different ideas of what cheating entails. But cheating is typically a breach of trust that involves a third party. Like say kissing, having secret meetings with, or fucking another person.

Cheating is basically doing anything that break the rules between what two or people have agreed. It doesn't really have to involve another party.

Talking to someone that you know likes you while you're dating another person is not cheating, lying about it to your partner is. Cheating is different from couple to couple, some people don't really care about what their partner does.

Originally Posted by Ozma

Cheating is basically doing anything that break the rules between what two or people have agreed. It doesn't really have to involve another party.

No, that's just a breach of trust. It would be stupid to say someone is cheating if they just lied about something.

"You broke this dish! You cheated on me!" Makes absolutely no sense.

I agree with Devoxycontin. Just because you violate their trust does not mean you cheated. Cheating on someone is nothing less than an intimate sexual moment with them. It can be a kiss or it can be sex. A hug is not cheating. Going out to dinner with someone is not cheating. An intimate sexual moment has to occur.

If your significant other gets pissed because you went out with someone for a dinner or something simply as friends, then she is the problem not you. She has to trust you that you'd never cheat on her until proven otherwise. If not then it is her fault for being overcome with jealousy and IMO is disrespectful to you that she doesn't trust you.

^^^I agree completely. A buddy of mine is going through a relationship where there is a double standard going on. I mean, he can't have girl friends, but she can go to bars and kiss guys. She'll tell him "You can never talk to this person again" and then go out and french kiss with another dude. She is attractive and he's kind of ugly, so I can see why he doesn't muster up the courage to defend himself...but he is acting a fool. I feel bad for him because he is being manipulated.

Originally Posted by DragoonKain

I agree with Devoxycontin. Just because you violate their trust does not mean you cheated. Cheating on someone is nothing less than an intimate sexual moment with them. It can be a kiss or it can be sex. A hug is not cheating. Going out to dinner with someone is not cheating. An intimate sexual moment has to occur.

If your significant other gets pissed because you went out with someone for a dinner or something simply as friends, then she is the problem not you. She has to trust you that you'd never cheat on her until proven otherwise. If not then it is her fault for being overcome with jealousy and IMO is disrespectful to you that she doesn't trust you.

Does it count if they've been text dating? For instance, naked pictures of each other, texting talking about how much they want to fuck each other? As far as I am aware (or would like to believe) nothing happened physically, but this still pissed me off.

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Does it count if they've been text dating? For instance, naked pictures of each other, texting talking about how much they want to fuck each other? As far as I am aware (or would like to believe) nothing happened physically, but this still pissed me off.

So? Why does it have be cheating? He willfully did something hurtful to you, knowing full well it was hurtful. If you feel like it was a transgression that shouldn't be forgiven, end it. You don't need to wait for some universally recognized standard of cheating to occur before its okay to dump the dude. You don't have to feel bad about it. He sounds like another sack of shit I used to room with. Granted, this guy never actually cheated on his girl, but that was only because he didn't have a ballsack hairy enough to do it. He was a fuckhead anyway.

It seems that some people get caught is this reasoning that the only good reason to end a relationship that has gone south is to catch the other partner cheating on them. Personally, I think that's a load of bullshit. If you aren't satisfied with a relationship, for whatever reason, you end it, or try to fix it. If it doesn't get fixed, you end it.

Originally Posted by Avalokiteshvara

If your partner feels it's cheating, it probably is. If you're hesitant to tell your partner about your activities, or you feel motivated to hide what you are doing, it's probably cheating.

This is a bad indicator. There are definitely girls out there who would consider glancing at another girl "cheating."

Originally Posted by Arainach

If you wouldn't want your partner to find out what you were doing (things like buying a surprise gift excluded), it's cheating.

Also a bad definition. Plenty of girls are disturbed and offended by their boyfriends masturbating. Plenty of guys do it anyway, and just make the effort to ensure that she doesn't find out. Is that cheating? No.

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

Does it count if they've been text dating? For instance, naked pictures of each other, texting talking about how much they want to fuck each other? As far as I am aware (or would like to believe) nothing happened physically, but this still pissed me off.

Is that crossing the line? I would say so. Is it cheating? Well, debatable. Cheating implies the physical act, but sending naked pictures to other people is definitely inappropriate in a committed relationship. It implies a willingness or a tendency to cheat, at any rate. You have every right to be upset about it.

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

Does it count if they've been text dating? For instance, naked pictures of each other, texting talking about how much they want to fuck each other? As far as I am aware (or would like to believe) nothing happened physically, but this still pissed me off.

It's funny because more and more often I find this "text dating" phrase come up as if we've somehow lost the ability to DIRECTLY communicate with each other so we must all mingle on the worldwide airwaves. Nevertheless, the world HAS changed to THAT extent and if nothing physical happened I guess it's not as horrible as it's sounds. But there is still a sense of infidelity attached to this little offhand maneuver, as on-the-line as it may be.

Ultimately, it's up to you, but from my view I consider that a tell-tale sign of cheating.

I've actually been in that situation more or less, where I was dating a girl regularly, and another girl and I were "romantically involved" online.

Granted, I never felt that I was in a steady relationship with that girl I was dating, BUT I also felt that flirting online--however far we went, which was more or less what Bernard Black is describing--was relatively innocuous because there was absolutely no way for us to get together (geographically). But I have to admit, I did wonder to myself whether it was wrong, so it's definitely not totally okay.

Anyway, if I was in a serious long-term relationship but still felt the need to do something like that, I would think very seriously about ending that relationship myself. I would say that if you're going that far with someone else, while it's not cheating, you're just not really committed, and you'd either need to do something to the relationship to fix it or opt out (more likely from my perspective, cause fixing a relationship that you don't care about is incredibly hard).

If you're the victim of this behaviour, just be aware that your relationship is on very shaky grounds. It may not be salvageable. But to directly answer the question: I wouldn't call it cheating.

Like others have said, it really depends on the person. I think most everyone agrees that the intense physical stuff (kissing, sex) is cheating. Personally, I'd feel like this 'text dating' thing were cheating, mostly because of the pictures and especially if they did talk about how much they want to fuck each other. Its not physical cheating, but its definitely emotional, and sometimes I feel that the emotional cheating is worse than physical.

So it varies per person. When I found out that my last boyfriend called his ex before he even talked to me, I felt it was cheating, because he was already thinking about getting back with her before talking to me. I'm sure very few people would agree with me that that's cheating, but the fact that he acted on her before leaving me... seemed like cheating to me. It wasnt physical, but it was definitely emotional, and more than hurtful to me.

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

Does it count if they've been text dating? For instance, naked pictures of each other, texting talking about how much they want to fuck each other? As far as I am aware (or would like to believe) nothing happened physically, but this still pissed me off.

That isn't cheating, but it still doesn't make it right. For example: just because something isn't considered cheating doesn't mean it isn't disrespectful to your girlfriend/wife/etc.

It isn't cheating, but it shows you're at least contemplating cheating in the future which is a valid reason for someone to break up with you.

So in summary: cheating? No. Still bad? Yes.

All in all, whether it is cheating or not isn't even relevant to be honest. If it is something you don't feel comfortable telling your girlfriend or boyfriend about then just don't do it. They don't need to an air-tight case to end a relationship with you. This isn't Seinfeld.

It's quite bizzare and certainly too complex to put the whole story up but this little segment I would say was my fault. My boyfriend disagrees entirely, but there had to be something to push him over the edge. I found out a while ago about this, but things are basically sorted. Except for when I get to thinking about it and it just makes me really angry. I guess I've been looking for somebody to say for definate that this is allowed to rile me up so much.

If he is exchanging naked pictures with someone, and you didn't agree to this in advance, that would fall under my definition of cheating. It is a level of intimacy that I would have thought was reseved for your partner. It's not like porn, because he knows the person involved. They are more than just a face and a body to him, more than just a visual stimulus. He knows their personality.

I would also regard any kind of serious amount of dirty talk as cheating. I know that a lot of people would say that dirty talk and such isn't cheating, but I wouldn't expect anyone who I was dating to do that kind of thing behind my back, or even with my knowledge. I'm involved in a relationship with the full expectation that my girlfriend's sexual intimacy of any kind is reserved only for me.

He might not have had sex with this person, but he has been intimate with her. He obviously has a lasting desire to have sex with her, and that alone would make me question the relationship. If the person I'm with desired someone else that much, what reason would