Dating criteria

I've been told I'm extremely picky when it comes to dating... And I don't deny it for a second. Personally, I think it's good to have high standards, but when it yields fewer results, well, that's when it sucks. Regardless, I do have a few rules that must be met for me to date a girl:

1. BRAINS. I will not date a stupid girl. Period. Even clumsy girls get on my nerves in extreme cases. This is my most important criteria.

2. Able to enjoy/discuss movies. And not shitty movies, either. If a girl's idea of a night out at the movies is going to see Meet the Spartains, she's out.

3. Able to match wits. I am constantly breaking balls and/or destroying people's spirits. I need a girl who won't buckle under that sort of pressure and can take some teasing without crying.

4. Moderately attractive. I'm not as picky when it comes to looks.

Narrows the playing field, sure, but depending on the girl I can sometimes buckle if she meets three out of four.

What are some of your criteria for dating?

1.) Intelligence.

The priority. I will not compromise on this one. A person has got to be able to discuss things on a level which goes deeper than the weather. Nothing annoys me more than stupidity.

2.) Maturity.

I've about had it with men who sit around, do nothing, and expect the world to come to them. At this point in my life, I don't want anyone in my life who incessantly watches anime, hasn't got a job, is in a band (don't ask), drinks or smokes excessively, or has no priorities as far as money is concerned.

3.) Sense of identity.

I don't like people who are confused about who they are, or have very little sense of self. I expect my mate of choice to know what they like, have opinions on things, and stands up for what they believe in.

Looks don't really factor in to this formula. I've said it a million times, and I'll say it again: what's attractive to me is in the head, not in the body. I don't expect everyone to agree with that, but it's how I roll.

I like a particular sense of intrigue about my mate, too. I like it when I am surprised by a thought process, or when they can problem solve with me. I love problem solvers.

I try so hard not to be swayed by looks, but I dunno, I just can't bring myself to do it. It makes me feel shallow, but that's just how I am, I guess.

I fully agree on the whole sense of identity thing too. Kelly had no clue who the fuck she was and that drove me up the wall.

1. She can't be annoying. This factors in multiple things. Intelligence, personality, interests, viewpoints. Basicly if someone's stupid, overly pushy about opinions I don't agree with, or seriously has absolutely nothing in common with me. Then chances are I'm not going to give them another look. The best looks in the world aren't going to mean crap to me if I can't stand the person.

2. She can't be lazy. I'm not exactly a financially well off person myself, but some of my friends have dated girls who work 1 day a week and then bitch about how they hate going to work. I don't know how anyone could stand being with someone that lazy. And it's not like they want to be housewives either because they don't do anything at home either except mope around and bitch.

Looks honestly aren't much of a factor for me. I mean... I don't think I could date someone who was like say deformed or something. But one girl that I was obsessed with for awhile, once my feelings faded away I realize she wasn't that good looking.

Some people have told me I need to lower my standards, but they're all people who have been in failed relationships so.... not having been in a relationship doesn't bother me so much.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

1.) Intelligence.

The priority. I will not compromise on this one. A person has got to be able to discuss things on a level which goes deeper than the weather. Nothing annoys me more than stupidity.

2.) Maturity.

I've about had it with men who sit around, do nothing, and expect the world to come to them. At this point in my life, I don't want anyone in my life who incessantly watches anime, hasn't got a job, is in a band (don't ask), drinks or smokes excessively, or has no priorities as far as money is concerned.

3.) Sense of identity.

I don't like people who are confused about who they are, or have very little sense of self. I expect my mate of choice to know what they like, have opinions on things, and stands up for what they believe in.

Looks don't really factor in to this formula. I've said it a million times, and I'll say it again: what's attractive to me is in the head, not in the body. I don't expect everyone to agree with that, but it's how I roll.

I like a particular sense of intrigue about my mate, too. I like it when I am surprised by a thought process, or when they can problem solve with me. I love problem solvers.

God I love you Sass, you hit the nail right on the head in terms of dating criteria for myself. To be honest I haven't had much success with dating since I've only dated two girls in my entire life and I'm marrying the second one.

I just have this thing, I can't ask random people out on a date. I have to know them for an extended period of time, and be their friend first, before it goes past that level.

To me I enjoy people who are intelligent and love to debate about various topics and such. I don't enjoy people who use their intelligence to think that they're better than everybody else. What makes the concept of intelligence especially when it comes to being with a significant other is the ability to disagree with one person's frame of mind but never disrespect them for it. I'm proud to say that the woman I'm marrying shares that same belief as much as I do.

In terms of maturity is absolutely a requirement, if you don't have a rough idea of what you want to do with your life and you expect things to fall in place for you than thats an automatic turn off. I love people who have drive in their lives, and know exactly what they want out of their life and how they're going to attain it.

In terms of sense of identity, I enjoy someone who has a great sense of comfort about themselves. They can be who they want to be, and not care what anybody else thinks. They're willing to live their life how they want to live it, and not afraid to be who they are. As long as you believe in not pushing someone into a direction they do not want to be in; in the first place then that shows how comfortable you are with yourself and how much you are willing to respect another person's choices.

I'd be lying if I didn't say looks didn't play some sort of a factor. I try not to be a shallow person, but if there isn't any physical attraction then its not going to work.

As silly as this sounds, you know when it comes to me dating somebody, this is one of the first questions that appears in my mind. That question is, Is this a person I can see myself being with for the rest of my life? I'll probably be highly criticized for asking myself that but I sure as hell don't want waste their time as much as it is wasting my own time. Maybe thats the one reason why I haven't dated many people in my life, and I might of missed out on a lot of great things but still the way I choose to be, pointed in the right direction of the most wonderful woman I could ask for.

I am picky when it comes to dating, because the only people I've ever dated are really close friends that I've known for a while, but even as sprotuicus has said, that being picky can yield to fewer results, given enough time and patience they'll always lead to the best results.

My criteria are as follows:

#1) Personality - She doesn't need to be my intellectual rival but she'd damn well better be interesting. Maybe she's funny or is a trivia buff. Perhaps she has some interesting hobbies about which she's quite passionate. The details don't matter too much as long as there's a spark of life beneath the exterior. She should possess just a bit of childish silliness, the sort that causes her to dash into a toy store on an impulse or which doesn't mind a short-lived food fight. Charisma goes a long way with me.

#2) Pride - I don't mean ego. I mean a healthy sense of self-esteem. Faith in herself and her capabilities. I'm not one to entertain insecurities or emotional bouts of self-pity. Her sense of self-worth should not be contingent upon my presence - or anyone's - in her life. Even if she's not the best-looking person, she should be satisfied with who she is and take no guff. If she can unleash a decent burp in private, then laugh about it, I can totally dig.

#3) Appearance - I won't lie, this is important to me. I'm not implying that the woman must be drop-dead gorgeous or anything. Simply, she must be well-kept and practical about it. Unchecked obesity will not work for me. Neither will being a human stick figure. Don't be afraid to eat a ribeye steak with baked potato but don't top it off with a double slice of cheesecake. I'm not into girls who dress for shock value either. That means Goths are out and so is anyone with a ton of piercings or tattoos. Sensibility is the key.

#4) Philosophy - There has to be some compatibility here. I have particular spiritual beliefs and though they're very open-minded, I would not enjoy being in a relationship with someone whose belief system could allow no room for my own. We don't have to agree on each detail - indeed, these contrasts make for great conversation - but some overlap is required for the sake of a peaceful coexistence.

#5) Motivation - I don't expect anyone to move mountains but I won't abide by inaction. She must be employed. I don't care if she's a CEO or if she folds shirts at JC Penney so long as she gets out of the house and contributes something to society. Money isn't an issue for me because I've never been in the game for riches anyhow. But I work hard despite my own physical limitations and I feel it makes me a stronger person. I respect the same value in others.


I don't feel as though I'm asking for the moon with these criteria.

I think my criteria are more or less summed up by combining Sass and Crash's points. And I really don't think that I'm asking too much...especially since, as Sass already said, looks almost never factor into the equation for me. All the guys I've ever been seriously interested in would never be considered attractive by the general population -- but their personalities are the type that most people can't help but like.

1) Intelligence:: I'm not saying that a guy has to be a rocket scientist, but I at least want to be on a similar level. I think it's great when a guy is more knowledgeable in areas I'm less experienced in (and vice versa), but I want some common ground as well.

2) Motivation:: Guys that like me tend to be the type that want me to motivate them, because I've always been the kind of person who does a lot of stuff and is self-motivated. I can't think of anything less attractive than somebody who wants me to help them live their life, or give their life direction: that's not the role I want in a relationship. He needs to have his own individual goals/dreams/ideas that he's working towards, and if he wants me to support him then I am more than happy to oblige.

3) Maturity:: I'm pretty sure that this would coincide with the other two points, because if a guy doesn't have a certain level of maturity, then my previous criteria will probably not be fulfilled either. That doesn't mean I dislike a guy acting childish or silly...that's actually very endearing. Just the attitude towards life in general needs to be from a more mature perspective. I know that age is just a number, but I find that guys in my age range tend to be a bit too immature for me to be anything but friends with them; most of the guys I've dated or have been attracted to are at least 3 years older than me.

4) Sense of Humor:: It seems kind of insignificant, but the people who know me IRL know that I love to laugh, and for that a guy needs to be somewhat tolerant of my bubbly nature. Or perhaps wants to encourage it.

1. Intelligence

There's not much I have to say about this quality. I just know that the person has to be able to hold an intelligent conversation for at least an hour.

2. Confidence

Not arrogant or loud. But certainly not quiet or shy. Someone who's able to walk confidently, hold his head up, and who has good communication skills with those around him in general. He also has to be able to adapt to the different personalities that are out there. For example, I'd be impressed if my significant other was able to adapt to my father's personality while also knowing how to deal with the dynamic personalities of each of my close friends.

3. Maturity

He should act appropriately depending on the situation, and should be equal to me or further along in terms of school or a career. If the person is younger, I wouldn't mind dating him as long as he's responsible and has direction in his life. Someone who whines is irritating, and someone who isn't considerate will not impress me.

4. Sense of Humor

I should have put this quality up higher. Someone who is fun to be with but certainly not irritating. Something I've recently discovered is that I tend to enjoy the company of a date if we're able to bounce jokes off each other without much explanation or effort. It may sound simple, but very rarely have I met someone that caught my attention that I could do this with. All my closest male friends meet this criteria, and another person outside my circle whom I met two months ago was also quite good at this.

5. Physical Appearance

This is important from a practical point of view. Someone who looks clean and obviously keeps himself well-kept (hair, face, clothing). He doesn't need to cause me to turn my head the first time I see him (although that would be a bonus), but I should be physically attracted to him.

hmmm I've always given this idea a thought but Its is never the same. I read somewhere that a person's preference are usually a bit unstable. Well I'll try to write the core of it...

1. Aura - I have no other way of putting it. The person should have this certain presence. I can't explain but it is something I see in very few people. I think I've seen this trait in only one person in my entire lifetime.

2. Not to Philosophical - Yes I don't mind being bombarded by philosophical question except when I can't explain something. I have a hard time explaining things like God or those unseen forces. I've never had so much patience with philosophy.

3. Not to touchy or speech reliant - Most of my friends know that I do not like being hugged. Also I am the type of person that is hard to be comforted by words. (Unless the person is really really good with words). Just being there helps me out already..Although I may not say it is.

4. Doesn't have to be so brainy - I've been alive long enough to know that the batch Magna Cum Laude or Valedictorian doesn't always end up ok in the working world. Just as long as th person can do better math than me and can get decent work, its ah ok. (Trust me I ain't that good in Math)

5. Can keep a tune - nothing pisses me off more than a note out of tune. It makes me cringe. I don't really care if the voice isn't as good as mainstream singers, just as long as the person can keep a decent tune. (hmm I can always teach though)

6. Patient - in many ways...but must know when to smack me when I get too hard-headed.

as for looks...I think it falls under number one. The person doesn't have to look drop dead gorgeous...just presentable.
I think this is a lot oh wells.

I'm already married, so I'll put my criteria out there as definite advice for the single guys...

#1: RESPECT

This is really hard to tell, even when you're still in the beginning stages of dating. But deeper into a relationship, it's critically important. It's may sound chauvinistic, but a lot of men's self-worth floats on their ego. And the majority of their ego floats on how the person they spend the most time with sees them. There are many levels to repsect, but you have to make sure that it's maintainable through the thick AND the thin.
Guys, if a woman isn't willing to respect you and be there to help you even if you turn out to be a fuck up, then she's only digging for gold.
Girls, if you aren't willing to maintain what you think of your significant other despite his seemingly worst moments, then don't even bother.

#2: COMMON INTEREST

There's got to be at least one or two things that you guys love to do together, than are consistent hobbies. Not fads. Going to the disco is fine, but you two won't like doing it for the rest of your lives. Make sure your hobbies are in tune. If she thinks your hobbies are stupid, or doesn't want to try them out with you, find somebody who will. And in return, you should be willing to try (and enjoy) some of the things she does. It's a two way street.

#3: RESPONSIBILITY:

Whether it's raising the kids, or help you pay rent, the lady will probably end up living with you doing some kind of task. I personally don't believe women should work unless there's no other choice, but she has to be willing to help you out somehow, someway. If she doesn't work, she should clean up the house, do the laundry, cook dinner. She has to be able to take care of stuff if you break a leg, shit like that. Don't date a lazy girl, one who's out to get a free ride. If she's used to being with people who take care of everything for her, and you're not willing to do that, don't get involved.

#4: ATTRACTIVENESS

I'm going to assume that if you get with somebody, you consider them to be attractive enough for your liking. Of course, there is a natural aging process from there, and pregnancy can be a doozy if not worked off, but I really despise women who think that if they paint their fingernails, get their hair done, and slap on some paint that nobody will notice the other 200 pounds below their neck. If extra weight bothers you (as it does most guys), don't date a girl unless she works out. Girls who don't know how to work out probably won't ever bother to learn how. And once most people settle down, they somehow figure their partner will be okay with them gaining some weight. This of course, goes both ways.

Originally Posted by Zephyrin

I personally don't believe women should work unless there's no other choice, but she has to be willing to help you out somehow, someway. If she doesn't work, she should clean up the house, do the laundry, cook dinner. She has to be able to take care of stuff if you break a leg, shit like that. Don't date a lazy girl, one who's out to get a free ride. If she's used to being with people who take care of everything for her, and you're not willing to do that, don't get involved.

I find it interesting that you think a woman shouldn't work. Why do you feel this way? Do you think she's not as capable as earning the bulk of the money? (Just speculating)

It's particularly interesting how you've got these roles assigned for the woman and the man. Where did this come from?

In my case, I am generally the bread-winner. And I do a damned good job of it. I make sure the bills are paid, the food is in the fridge, and that my man is comfortable. Is that wrong in your opinion?

Neither the time or the place. That was simply an interjection of my own bias.

Originally Posted by Zephyrin

I personally don't believe women should work unless there's no other choice, but she has to be willing to help you out somehow, someway. If she doesn't work, she should clean up the house, do the laundry, cook dinner. She has to be able to take care of stuff if you break a leg, shit like that. Don't date a lazy girl, one who's out to get a free ride. If she's used to being with people who take care of everything for her, and you're not willing to do that, don't get involved.

Any girl that's not lazy and gold-digging probably won't be satisfied with a stay-at-home relationship. Generally, being not-lazy corresponds with having motivation to, you know, do things.

Goddamnit, I'll fucking edit it out if you guys don't like it that much.

What's wrong with a good conversation, Zephy? =/

((I agree with Arainach, not surprisingly. But there are women like that to be found!))

Oh, yeah, since I posted I guess I have to post my criteria.

1. Intelligence - it's a must, sorry. If I can't have a good conversation on a wide variety of topics with you, it isn't going to work.

2. Sense of Identity - I learned this the hard way. I've been seeing my current GF for about 16 months, and about a year into it I realized she had no strong sense of self. While she was professionally getting places, she had no personal life outside of her family and me and rarely if ever expressed personal opinions on things. It slowly drove me insane until I confronted her over it. It was rocky for a month or so, but eventually I accepted why some things were the way they were and she started opening up and expressing herself more, which helped things a lot. Anyone will tell you communication is necessary for a good relationship, and if one person has nothing to communicate, it'll fail.

3. Maturity - sorry, I'm quite tired of the typical college 'hay let's go get drunk and watch MTV' attitude. I much prefer spending time around people who actually care about the world around them, where it's going, and how they fit into it.

And I just now noticed that I might as well have said 'I agree with Sass'. Not that that's really unexpected. Doh.

You guys are pretty picky when it comes to mates. As for me, bleh.

Well, I usually look at cute girls, (at this age, I'm looking at pretty faces and hot bodies, so yeah, I'm pretty darn shallow right now).

Despite that however, I usually find myself talking to people who I feel can hold a decent conversation without going into things like their favourite bands, who's the cutest guy in class, that kind of thing.

It's still that confusion period for me, trying to decide whether I should go for looks or a decent amount of personality and intellectual chemistry. However, I wouldn't be surprised if I somehow chose a brainless pretty lady as my life partner.