Being yourself? or just acting like you are in order to fit in?

Currently I am involve in this Clinical study where there's not much to do but sleep, eat, read, board games, and watch movies, and something came to my mind.

Try to think about when you are around people, whether it be with friends, family, or random people. When you are socializing with people, try to socialize with a sense and awareness of your emotions and actions. Are you being absolutely yourself or do you tend to act in a way in favor of the other party to fit in?

I try to be myself, but it's hard because I want people to like me and I feel sometimes I have play in favor of others (which sometimes goes against myself). The key is to notice the behavior and try to practice and better yourself.

Here's a cool quote to live by "I rather be like by people for who I am than be liked by people for pretending to be someone that I am not"

As the ending to Evangelion implies:

Spoiler:

'Nuff said.

Originally Posted by SpaceMonk

Currently I am involve in this Clinical study where there's not much to do but sleep, eat, read, board games, and watch movies, and something came to my mind.

Try to think about when you are around people, whether it be with friends, family, or random people. When you are socializing with people, try to socialize with a sense and awareness of your emotions and actions. Are you being absolutely yourself or do you tend to act in a way in favor of the other party to fit in?

I try to be myself, but it's hard because I want people to like me and I feel sometimes I have play in favor of others (which sometimes goes against myself). The key is to notice the behavior and try to practice and better yourself.

Here's a cool quote to live by "I rather be like by people for who I am than be liked by people for pretending to be someone that I am not"

Originally Posted by Sane Brain

As the ending to Evangelion implies:

Spoiler:

'Nuff said.

These might be the worst back to back posts I've read in months. Of course you make a certain amount of concessions when you deal with other people. That's called being social. If all you do is stand on a soap box and beat your chest about your own outlooks and beliefs, not only will no one want to be around you, but you'll be a complete berke in the process.

And Sane, for your sake, I hope you're kidding.

What, you couldn't tell?

I could analyze your post and find the obvious flaws to your argument, but you're not worthy of the time, honestly.

After years of working with people, I've found that although at first I had to try to behave a particular way to fit in with a certain group of people/perform my job better, as time went on that behavior eventually became normal for me.

In simpler terms, behave one way for long enough and it's likely that it will become habit for you and you won't have to try any more.

Originally Posted by Sane Brain

What, you couldn't tell?

I could analyze your post and find the obvious flaws to your argument, but you're not worthy of the time, honestly.

No, I can't tell with you. Because your "good" posts are much the same as your "deliberately bad" posts. You're not an idiot. We get it. Quit trying so hard.

I like the "I'm playing, can't you tell?" argument. Always loved that one.

Anyways, yea. I think one of my major flaws is not bending for societal reasons. If I don't feel like I can be myself at some social gathering or whatever, I avoid the situation. I don't know how to not be me. This is not a very good thing I suppose. I recognize that I need to be more malleable in certain situations where I can't control what's going on. It's something I work on all the time.

I guess I have a really stubborn personality - I really don't change much with a crowd. I love a good laugh and I love to watch people and interact, just so long as I'm not uncomfortable.

If you can't be yourself especially in social surroundings then why bother existing in the first place. If people can not truly accept you for who you truly are then your only denying yourself.

For the longest time I've always cared about what other people thought of me, to the point that in social situations I would literally change myself only to be better received by everyone else. I realized that I was only lying to myself and even if these people had liked me in a lot of these social gatherings it was all a complete lie.

Within these last few years I came to the realization that if people can't accept me for who I am, they can go fuck themselves for all I care. I can understand if people want to change their personalities if they want to get ahead in life or things along those lines. If anyone takes the time to know me, then they're going to know the real me and not some shallow copy of myself.

I would rather accomplish things in my life without compromising the person I truly am. No matter what people think of me I'll always respect their opinion, because not everybody is going to like you, I'd rather people form their opinions on my true personality.

I'm getting married, I have a great job, and I have really good friends and this all happened because I've never felt I had to change myself.

Overall. I personally believe you'll be better rewarded if you stay true to yourself whether or not your in a social situation.

I think the saying is something like, "Thank god there's starch in your shirt or there'd be nothing holding you up." I am a complete pushover and far too eager to impress and please people, to the point where I deny aspects of myself to make it so. Maybe that's me. What a conundrum. I'm working on just being myself, but it's very difficult when you're afraid people will hate you for the tiniest deviation from their own norms.

It's not so much of an issue with people who I've known for a good while, but when I'm meeting people for the first time I keep my mouth shut when I disagree or have something different to say because I'm that afraid of being hated. The irony of this being that I believe people generally dislike me anyway, so there isn't much point in it.

Originally Posted by Bernard Black

What a conundrum. I'm working on just being myself, but it's very difficult when you're afraid people will hate you for the tiniest deviation from their own norms.

Wow! I know exactly what you are talking about. There's sometimes this fear that I have of new and old friends of mine that they will someday hate me if I really decide to just be 100% the self I feel is me, and maybe they will be ok with it and maybe not.

People tell me that with friends that shallow they were never friends to begin with or not even worth your time if they are like that. It's like someone else said in this thread, "not everyone is going to like you" and that's ok, it's just that for some people (including me), it's sometimes hard to deal with the mind thinking too much and just letting it go, learning from the experience, and move on.

I find that when first meeting a group of new people I will unconsciously copy a few of their mannerisms and habits out of...I dunno, social preservation? But as time goes on I assert more of myself and less of them.

At the same time though, this makes looking for friends/relationships a bit easier since if I find someone who I don't do this with, either I don't like them at all or they are a great deal similar to me.

I don't know if that is actually understandable or not...I'm quite tired...

Originally Posted by Magus-Cie

I find that when first meeting a group of new people I will unconsciously copy a few of their mannerisms and habits out of...I dunno, social preservation? But as time goes on I assert more of myself and less of them.

At the same time though, this makes looking for friends/relationships a bit easier since if I find someone who I don't do this with, either I don't like them at all or they are a great deal similar to me.

You make a very good point! I think we all do this to some extinct, some more than others. I think a person's ability to recognize the behavior in others as well as in themselves and choosing what to do with that knowledge greatly varies the degree of an individual confidence, self-esteem, and self identity.

I'm going to change my mind on the idea of "being yourself". I am not going to deny anyone of who they feel they are. The idea of one person of self is of being independent amongst others or seeing themselves as being a part of others, maybe a little of both, or whatever you believe who you are in respect to others or not or maybe it's not something you concentrate on at all; I feel it's too constricting and one dimensional.

With this being said. I want to put this out there again that no matter who you think, feel, and believe you are, others may not feel the same way, for some it doesn't affect them, we brush it off and move on, for others it causes us to reevaluate ourselves, question our actions and beliefs.

Anyways, I think your way of handling things is very good. It's a balancing act , the more you work on it the better you get and in time it's something you don't have to think so much about.

To avoid being all philosophical and running all my own arguments into piles of shit I'll simply state what I believe in:

The very act of acting differently towards different people is completely natural. These are all parts of who you are, because you are defined by your actions. You probably act differently towards your parents than you do towards your close friends, and certainly much different towards strangers. But all of which still define who you are, therefore, you is a dynamic variable with no set boundaries. There is no set definition of who you are, because no one truly knows. Sure, you may know what you are right now, but right at this very second that person you are is now a person you used to be, for time is always continuing ever so slowly... And you eventually will forget many of the actions that used to be you; but that doesn't mean they aren't you, because everything you are is composed of in the past. Over the course of your lifetime you are consistently composing yourself to be (hopefully) a better version of you. It is only after you die that what you are, in the sense of this lifetime, is a constant.

However, if you compose yourself with actions that are contrary to who you are, the very fact that you did this becomes who you are because a large part of who you are is whether your actions are constant with each other. Acting only involves what other people see your actions are composed of. Actions, on the other hand, is broader; they compose of the things that not only other people see, but the actions only you see, the most important of all being thought. If your acting and your actions become contradictions, you become a contradiction, and you will come to eventually loathe yourself if this conflict of self-interest does not end.

I'll put these two paragraphs into two sentences:

It is impossible to not be yourself, but it is possible to contradict yourself. They have a term for these kinds of people: inconsistent.

So what Sass sees in herself as being stubborn I see as being consistent and self-loving. And I actually admire her for that.

Originally Posted by Simply Majestic Overflow

To avoid being all philosophical and running all my own arguments into piles of shit

swing an' a miss!

Originally Posted by Simply Majestic Overflow

lol yeh shunjy woz kewl ^_^

I am myself most of the time... which often causes problems. My ''directness'' can be tough to take for many people. I can make ennemies that way, but i prefer that to be someone i am not

I always be myself. If you stick to that you will find people who have things in common with you so if someone doesn't then oh well I wasn't put on this earth to impress them.

When I was in high school, I started out trying to conform to those around me, but by the last few years, it left a bad taste in my mouth. I realized that trying to fit in with the people around me is mostly a bad thing since they are usually fucking stupid, or nothing like me.

Not that I don't like being liked, but I've decided that if you don't really care for how I am when I'm being myself, then we're probaly both better off just staying away from each other.