How come I can flirt?

Originally Posted by nadienne

::flirts with Sass::

There is no flirting with stone.

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I flirt with everyone because I enjoy the attention. I don't *need* the attention. Big difference.

Why do you enjoy the attention, Nadi. (I think thats the more important question)

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The reason some women flirt all over the place and freak out when their boyfriend does the same thing is a little thing called a "double standard." I've seen it where the guy is an intense flirt and gets insanely jealous if the girlfriend talks to another guy, too. I don't think it's limited to one gender.

I've rarely seen men flirt as much as women do, but I genuinely think women have a much more liberal definition of "flirtation" than men do. Women ARE generally more emotional and touchy feely - thats just their nature. Lemme give you a HUG, because I LIKE you as a person! Men RARELY do this. They are held to more....for lack of better word, macho standards.

Women have always taken the role of nuturer and emotional care-giver. It is an important distinction.

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Personally, I'm fine if my boyfriend flirts, because I flirt in all situations and it's completely unfair to not allow him to do the same. In all likelihood I'll either join in and confuse the hell out of whoever he's flirting with, or tease him about it afterwards. Or do my own flirting and compare notes afterwards. Outside flirting is harmless in a relationship as long as both parties are secure knowing that they're only involved with each other.

How about the person you're tampering with?

I mean, you can't genuinely believe that everyone you talk to knows the difference between harmless flirtation and implied attraction.

It's all good and fine that you and your partner are cool with it between you two - but did anyone ask the third party? Sending mixed signals is kinda cruel in my book. And unless this person is extremely close to the one doing the flirtation, I think it's unfair and borderlines on sociopathic. But you know me~

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Incidentally, I often have conversations with people I'm involved with about other women they're attracted to. And hell, I'm going to stare if someone beautiful walks by, male or female. ...I don't know where I was going with that point.

I don't think thats flirtation, myself. I can appreciate a nice ass like the next person. That doesn't mean I will allow someone to catch me eyeing that fine ass. Ignorance is bliss. ^_^

I think you were going with one of those "because hey, it's human nature" points there at the end nadienne.

Just to add a bit, a lot of what I do for a living is dealing with end users who are having computer problems, so cultivating a positive relationship with these users helps ease their frustrations with whatever problem they are having at the time, while simultaneously bettering the reputation {within the company} of the IT department. This, in turn, makes it easier for us to convince our employees that this project or that project is a good thing. And I find that because we employ a great many women, flirting with them makes it easier to turn a frustrating situation into a positive, almost fun situation. I am sure that it helps that most of these women know how very good looking I am, so they're agreeable to flirting with me.

Originally Posted by nadienne

Personally, I'm fine if my boyfriend flirts, because I flirt in all situations and it's completely unfair to not allow him to do the same.

You know there's another way to resolve that double standard, right?

If both parties in a relationship just copy all of each other's bad behaviors things are going to go downhill in a real hurry.

"Hey, I hate doing the dishes!"

"That's cool, I hate doing the laundry, how about we just trade off and—"

"How about neither of us do either of them?!"

"That sounds fair."

(squalor ensues)

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

There is no flirting with stone.

Originally Posted by How Unfortunate

The situations devo mentions can also be a "chick test." Some women - not all but some - will intentionally act flakey, bitchy, or unresponsive to see if they can steamroll a guy into acting like a kiss-up pussy who apologizes, or see if they can make him lose their cool. They will flirt, act jealous, become drama queens, cancel dates at the last minute, stop before intimacy just before sex, etc., to see how it screws with a guy. It's a way of screening people to test their resolve.

Test? Ladies, is there anyone here willing to vouch that they have [i]never[i] done this? Because I sure as hell haven't and furthermore I don't know any woman who has (except the one about getting the guy to apologize first). I'm sure that it's a pretty common BELIEF that women do this, because this isn't the first time I've seen some guy claim we do it, but I don't think we do.

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Test? Ladies, is there anyone here willing to vouch that they have [i]never[i] done this? Because I sure as hell haven't and furthermore I don't know any woman who has (except the one about getting the guy to apologize first). I'm sure that it's a pretty common BELIEF that women do this, because this isn't the first time I've seen some guy claim we do it, but I don't think we do.

Alice is in denial, I've seen plenty of chicks play the "no pussy for you" card just to be a bitch. Many women thrive on the silent treatement Alice.

Just to be a bitch, or because they really didn't think it was appropriate for whatever reason? Because in my experience, any time you tell a guy "no" you're being a bitch. There's never any reason that's good enough for them, it seems.

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Just to be a bitch, or because they really didn't think it was appropriate for whatever reason? Because in my experience, any time you tell a guy "no" you're being a bitch. There's never any reason that's good enough for them, it seems.

I meant I've seen women/girls literally cut their boyfriends off from physical contact and verbal communication. To me there really is no good reason, if you don't want that person as your boyfriend break up with him. If you do happen to want him as your boyfriend TALK to him instead of doing the "you know what you did" bullshit.

Originally Posted by Devo

I meant I've seen women/girls literally cut their boyfriends off from physical contact and verbal communication. To me there really is no good reason, if you don't want that person as your boyfriend break up with him. If you do happen to want him as your boyfriend TALK to him instead of doing the "you know what you did" bullshit.

Oh, you're talking about during a fight. See, that's different from doing shit like that just to "test" someone. And men do that, too. That's just a natural response for some people. For instance, most women do NOT want to have sex when they're angry at their husband/boyfriend. Some men (notice I said "some," guys) don't understand this, since they can have sex anytime and anywhere. Also, some people's natural reaction to a disagreement is to shut themselves off. It's immature and unproductive, but I know plenty of people who do it - men and women. My husband is the world's worst. Me, I'd rather just yell and scream and have it out, but he hates things like that and will literally walk off and leave me standing there talking to myself. Then I'll get what amounts to the silent treatment for as long as it takes.

I think what the original poster meant was bitchy TV stereotype women who actually "test" a guy, just to see how much shit he'll take from her. And this, I've never done or seen done.

Originally Posted by Devo

Alice is in denial, I've seen plenty of chicks play the "no pussy for you" card just to be a bitch. Many women thrive on the silent treatement Alice.

I agree with Devo.

I know more women who plays this card than women who don't. It's kind of depressing. Some don't do it intentionally, some do it knowingly.

It all feeds into a woman wanting to be wanted. Most women love to feel loved, and I guess she wants to push the limit to see how much shit her man will tolerate.

In fact, I think I may have played this card (in a different form) just to push limits. But usually, I do it knowingly. Because I am a bitch. I admit it. It's wrong to do, but sometimes, you need to push some boundaries just to see where they lie.

Very interesting article...

http://channels.netscape.com/love/pa...e/cheatingwife

Really, I do notice this.

oh, and sass, nearly every girl does that at some point in her life.:shh:

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Oh, you're talking about during a fight. See, that's different from doing shit like that just to "test" someone. And men do that, too. That's just a natural response for some people. For instance, most women do NOT want to have sex when they're angry at their husband/boyfriend. Some men (notice I said "some," guys) don't understand this, since they can have sex anytime and anywhere. Also, some people's natural reaction to a disagreement is to shut themselves off. It's immature and unproductive, but I know plenty of people who do it - men and women. My husband is the world's worst. Me, I'd rather just yell and scream and have it out, but he hates things like that and will literally walk off and leave me standing there talking to myself. Then I'll get what amounts to the silent treatment for as long as it takes.

I think what the original poster meant was bitchy TV stereotype women who actually "test" a guy, just to see how much shit he'll take from her. And this, I've never done or seen done.

Neither pointless ranting or 'silent treatment' is the right way to deal with things. You should be able to hash out your problems, then move on. Ranting just gets yourself more worked up, and shutting down just delays things, as well as allowing one to stew. I can't believe that you are excusing/advocating these reactions.

It's not about having sex when you are angry, it's about getting past that anger. If you are mad, but refuse to fix the godamn problem, then what is he supposed to do? If people would sort their shit out instead of moving on while holding a grudge then it wouldn't be a problem.

Also I find it amazing that you consistently claim to have 'never' seen the kind of behaviour that *everyone* else has during their lifetime. It's one thing to defend your gender, and quite another to just pretend there aren't issues/differences.

grls 'n guys 'r crazay!

No, screw that. I've been single for awhile and I still love it. I occationally DATE girls but I will not lie when it comes to sex. Us men are after it. Of course we can survive without it but alot of us enjoy because it can actually make you happy when you're through. Don't know why...don't know how, but it does.

Now women, meh...women. My god are there an assload of different girls. You've got those girls who don't want to have sex until they meet the right guy, which is perfectly fine...but once one has sex with someone their automatically a slut amoungst their group. How is this possible? If her friend masturbated to Patrick Swayze, is she a slut? No, from what I've been told...she's resourceful. ...WHAT THE HELL? Now Boxers these days are usually told to not have an orgasm for awhile so it builds up their tension. Could you imagine waking up everyday screaming "FUCK. WHERE'S THE REMOTE? WHY'S MY DOOR OPEN? DON'T TALK TO ME GIVE ME A CIGARETTE. . . NOW."? That is being resourceful, he is using this to his advantage. When you allow people to tell you what to do, you fail in the end.

I had a convo with this girl earlier today and she claims it's impossible to please men because their tastes & likes change everyday. Any of you think this is true? I don't. It is definately possible to please a man. Just because you say "No" doesn't make you a bitch. How does it? Are you telling me a girl that doesn't stand up for herself and just lets people run over her is classified as a bitch? No, this is the type of girl that gets taken advantage of because she doesn't open her mouth. I'd rather have a girl that was a "bitch" instead of a girl that will cheat on me. We do not need the opposite gender in order to actually be happy with ourselves, it's how you create yourself as a person. Those who are not happy with themselves will not be happy at all. People usually never get themselves situated and thus they create heavy burdens for themselves upon things that don't matter at all.

I agree that the double-standard is wrong. I think men can be friendly with women and women can be friendly with men (as long as they're not doing inappropriate things such as making out or grabbing). However women are incredibly crazy.

My friend and me were sort of after the same guy (though I never told her that). He would give us both hugs and him and I would cuddle a little since he was single and he always initiated it. One day, he hugged both of us and she told me to go inside. She went running to me 1/2 an hour later telling me that she told him that what he was doing (hugging women when he was single) was wrong and that he shouldn't tease her like that. I told her that he's just like that.

He called me afterwards and told me what happened and he said that he was thinking about asking HER out. Well, three days later, those two began dating and I lost my hugging privledges. It's cases like that that make me thankful I'm not a guy. However, it's guys like him that could partially be to blame for the issue.

I don't see how hugs are any type of sexual act or anything 'wrong.' I still hug my friends girlfriends and none of them care. It's a simple sign of friendship. I don't see why he would stop hugging you because he's dating someone else.

Originally Posted by reflectiVe

I don't see how hugs are any type of sexual act or anything 'wrong.' I still hug my friends girlfriends and none of them care. It's a simple sign of friendship. I don't see why he would stop hugging you because he's dating someone else.

I'll never EVER get this notion of HUGGING everyone. I hardly even hug my own family. I don't get it. It seems like an excuse to touch another person. I guess thats why I dislike it for myself. I don't like being touched by people I am not close to - including my best friends.

Incidentally, I don't know why everyone is bitching about the "double standard" being wrong. I mean, there are so many double standards on both sides of the fence, they eventually balance out.

There will always be double standards for different issues with men and women. It's mostly due to the fact that we're NOT THE FUCKING SAME mentally.

Originally Posted by reflectiVe

I don't see how hugs are any type of sexual act or anything 'wrong.' I still hug my friends girlfriends and none of them care. It's a simple sign of friendship. I don't see why he would stop hugging you because he's dating someone else.

She said the same thing when I told her he doesn't hug me or anyone anymore. I said to her, "How do you feel if he hugs another woman," and she says, "A little jealous" and I told her that's why. It's all about the jealousy and limits to many people. To them, touch is now only for families and significant others (except for the girl who can hug other girls).

No disrespect, but anyone that gets jealous from a hug is far too protective and needs to ease off a bit or there will be problems in the future.

The only reason why I hug people is because I'm close to them. It doesn't matter if you don't hug or not - other people have their reasons. Sometimes it makes other people feel better once someone does. I doesn't make me feel anything, personally. I just do because I've done it for so long - habit!