How come I can flirt?

So recently I've been realizing a total double standard when it comes to women and men in relationships.

How is it that women can be totally touchy feely with their friends and it's not a big deal. They can basically flirt but that's okay cause "he's just a friend why are you acting like a jealous prick?"

But when a boyfriend is almost at all friendly with some other chick, his girlfriend goes ballistic? It's, "Why do you have to talk to her? What is so interesting about her? You never talk like that with me!"

Either they know they're dating a cheater or they have no trust in a good guy, seriously what's up ladies?

Is this because you and I flirt your underwear off your badonkadonk on a regular basis?

It's because of our expectations of gender, some of which still have an element of truth to them.

Women may certainly prize a man who stays loyal, but most of them will not expect him to be, at least in light of behavior like the kind you're talking about. Women have a greater degree of slack given to them because they're the commodity most men seem to be after, and they're supposed to be able to choose the best mate to further the human race.

I tend to think that as rational animals, we can call most of that bullshit. The simple fact of the matter is that that's how it's been done for quite some time, and changing the social norms we take our cues from is not an overnight process.

In my case, all of my girlfriend's male friends tend to give her giant bearhugs whenever they see her and I'm just like "okay." Guys as a whole tend to pretty aggressively flirt with her at school and work and I have to inform her sometimes after hearing the stories of the day that what the guy was doing was actually flirting. I don't really feel threatened by this though, as we're fiercly loyal to each other and I imagine she can defend herself better 9 times out of 10 than I could.

As for "OMG why are you talking to that skank," I don't really get much of that. Of course, due to her natural hatred of women (sup dev) she tends to drive most of them off whether or not they're speaking with me. I've never been all that intimate with friends anyway, though, as I think giving hugs and fawning all over your friends is kind of creepy in the first place.

Originally Posted by Elmoogle

I have to inform her sometimes after hearing the stories of the day that what the guy was doing was actually flirting.

Lies. She knows full well what flirting is, and anybody that is flirting, or being flirted with knows it. That they pretend otherwise is just playing the innocent card which you, and many others, fall for. They are not children, nor retarded, they know what is going on.

As for why the double standard exists, and is accepted, I don't know. But what really bugs me about it is the half assed 'Oh really? I don't know what flirting is.' excuse.

Originally Posted by PUG1911

Lies. She knows full well what flirting is, and anybody that is flirting, or being flirted with knows it. That they pretend otherwise is just playing the innocent card which you, and many others, fall for. They are not children, nor retarded, they know what is going on.

No... there are a good ammount of people who honestly can't tell the difference between someone being nice and someone flirting.

Hehe well know problem.

I had a girlfriend who didn't mind me flirting around hell she even joined with the flirting. As long as neither took it too far.
Besides I'm the jealous one.

Because the archetypal female view men as taking the role of pursuer by default.

Their innate reasoning is that if a guy wants a girl, he’ll go for it, regardless of variables that may make him hesitant or do it at all. Thus, their reasoning is that if the guy is being friendly with the girl, he has to want her, because otherwise he wouldn’t associate with her in that way. And actually, in a sense this is usually true, actually. However, unlike the archetypal female, the archetypal male doesn’t place nearly as much importance on impulse and emotion when deciding, “What I am actually going to do?” So, the female doesn’t realize that even though some desire might be there in the male, he’s probably not actually going to act on it unless he’s has a good reason to do so, or he’s just too stupid to decide what good reasoning is.

At the same time, the average female view herself (the female) as the chooser. Therefore, the underlining reasoning is that “I have control over how far he will get. Since I control this, cheating will only happen unless I let it happen. Since (at the moment) I don’t want to cheat, how much friendliness I show to him is justified by the basis that I control the line of being friendly to being sexual.”

One sided as hell, considering the bitch blatantly disregards her partner’s idea of “the line of friendliness,” but I’ve found this mentality to be pretty common with females who are blatant with this double standard.

As for guys, most of just throw our hands up and adopt the “females are crazy” (emotional manipulating and self-absorbed) mentality until we meet a chick who’s not so horribly archetypal.

tl;dr, SMX. tl;dr.

It's because a woman is at risk if her mate cares for anyone else. The woman just has a LOT more invested in the relationship (since she has to carry the offspring), and doesn't want the man to leave her. For a man, if his girlfriend has feelings for somebody else, it isn't a big deal so long as she is faithful sexually and he doesn't waste his time raising another man's kids. He only wants to further his own genes, after all.

It's all psychological. Flirting is just flirting, and any man should know that a woman isn't going to have sex with everybody she flirts with, and that's all that matters. A flirty boyfriend, though, runs the risk of developing an emotional relationship with another woman, and that's dangerous.

This is probably why it's easier for a woman to forgive a man for sexual infidelity, but sexual infidelity on the woman's part usually fills the man that has been cheated on with murderous rage against that cheating whore. Oh, and if a man loves somebody else, it's breakup/"I'll kill that conniving bitch for taking my boyfriend" time.

Both of those theories seem completely plausible to me. But I've always thought that women, by nature, are simply more flirty than men, almost to the point that it's expected of us. 99% of the time we don't mean anything by it, whereas when a man flirts, it's usually because he wants something. Not necessarily sex, but something along those lines...a date, the woman's attention, admission into her pants, something like that.

A couple of you kiddies need to work on that whole "making my point in a manner which is easily understood" thing, seriously.

But yeah, it's a double standard. I've experienced it in perhaps the most comical way possible. I was dating this girl who was a pretty jealous person. I would of course "get in trouble" for talking to pretty much any girl except two whom she deemed acceptable. Yeah, I couldn't talk to someone I have been friends with for 10+ years, simply because she was a girl, unless I wanted to deal with her jealousy, which typically manifested itself with her being either really mad or really emocrycry. And now for the comical part: she breaks up with me to date one of the girls with whom it was acceptable for me to associate.

All of that said, she did me a massive favor. It has allowed me to see just how stupid something like this is. I like flirting with nice and personable young women. I don't want any girl I happen to be dating to get all pissy about it, because I am not going to cheat on her, pure and simple, and if she knows me at all, she would know this. And I'm not going to get all pissy about someone I am dating flirting with her guy friends. If I am worried about my girlfriend cheating on me, I probably don't need to be dating her.

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Both of those theories seem completely plausible to me. But I've always thought that women, by nature, are simply more flirty than men, almost to the point that it's expected of us. 99% of the time we don't mean anything by it, whereas when a man flirts, it's usually because he wants something. Not necessarily sex, but something along those lines...a date, the woman's attention, admission into her pants, something like that.

Bah, I'm the flirtiest person I know. Female or male. I don't buy your theory, souther.

"No... there are a good ammount of people who honestly can't tell the difference between someone being nice and someone flirting."

Someone say my name?

I've never dated a girl, per se, which leaves me to flirt as I please. Some girls seemed annoyed by my flirting with another girl (I don't flirt often, but I have fun when I feel like doing it), and I made it very clear that we weren't dating right then.
I just flirt for fun, and I wouldn't date a girl who couldn't accept that.

Originally Posted by AliceNWondrland

Both of those theories seem completely plausible to me. But I've always thought that women, by nature, are simply more flirty than men, almost to the point that it's expected of us. 99% of the time we don't mean anything by it, whereas when a man flirts, it's usually because he wants something. Not necessarily sex, but something along those lines...a date, the woman's attention, admission into her pants, something like that.

Women always want something. Just not what men want. Don't act like women are completely innocent here. Women want more than men, if you ask me.

They're just not after sex. They're after affection, reassurance, acceptance. More emotional-based shit.

And if you ask me, any female who exhibits this kind of behavior needs to be slapped in the head. Stop being so emotionally needy for gods sakes.

I could just be saying this because I hate women who are overly flirtatous with, o, I don't know, everyone? It pisses me off to no end. I think they ARE AWARE that men just don't get what they're doing.

I like the whole jealously spin thing, though. My bitch flirts with someone, I call her on it. I expect the same from her in regards to me.

I like how Sass always defends men better than any man ever could. <3

Originally Posted by niki

I like how Sass always defends men better than any man ever could. <3

Are you making fun of me.

Because you guys aren't off the hook either. Bunch of crazies who crave cunt like its water.

You do not need sex to survive. Conversely, you do not need emotional reassurance to survive. I guess the issue comes when, you know, a person tries to determine which is more STUPID to desire.

Personally, I desire lots and lots of food? So I am also pretty stupid.

Desiring something seems a pretty integral part of being alive. Everyone's obsessed with something.
I'm not obsessed with sex or affection. The only thing I rely on being my friends, and not all of my friends, but a select five. If all I had were food, water, sleep, and these guys, I'd be peachy-keen.

It just depends on what you desire. I'm fortunate enough to have some kick-ass friends, others are not, and everyone desires something.

I think food is better than sex and emotional reassurance, though, because food will at least reliably let you eat it.

Originally Posted by HostileCreation

Desiring something seems a pretty integral part of being alive. Everyone's obsessed with something.
I'm not obsessed with sex or affection. The only thing I rely on being my friends, and not all of my friends, but a select five. If all I had were food, water, sleep, and these guys, I'd be peachy-keen.

No one said men are exclusively OBSESSED with sex, nor women exclusively OBSESSED with emotional reassurance.

In fact, most of both genders don't even know WHY they are doing what they do. It is in our heads, in our genes, in our blood. It is a part of every human being's psyche.

Quote:

It just depends on what you desire. I'm fortunate enough to have some kick-ass friends, others are not, and everyone desires something.

I think you're taking the term "desire" too literally. Sorry if I was unclear about that.

Women do tend to be more needy than men. It's just the way our brains are wired! That's why we tend not to have sex with guys we aren't emotionaly attracted to, where men seem to want to sleep with any nice peice of ass. *shrug* I act jealous when my hubby looks at other girls, but it's more because I feel as though she is better to look at it, not because I think he's gonna have sex with her. oO;