Abusive Relationships

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

How do you define an abusive relationship? Do you put physical abuse higher on the scale than mental abuse?

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? What advice would you give to others?

Or maybe you hate the very notion and think 'dem bitches DESERVE what they get.

Let's tawk.

Mental and emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse. It least with physical abuse, the marks will go away. Emotional damage stays around a lot longer than an actual wound does.

Yes, I've been in an abusive relationship. My advice to others would probably be to pay attention to your surroundings and your boyfriend/girlfriend's behavior. People tend to behave one way when you're dating, just married, etc. Somewhere along the line, they have to screw up and the real person comes out. That's what you need to watch out for.

Sassumomo, why are you curious about something like this?

Originally Posted by Lady Miyomi

Sassumomo, why are you curious about something like this?

Alice had made a journal entry about something like it. I saw some potential in a thread there. So I made it.

Originally Posted by Devo

I'd more than likely make sure they checked themselves in a battered women's shelter and had the women there talk to them. The best advice or knowledge they can acquire is from their peers and women who have been in the situation. They might not listen to me, but hopefully they'll listen to the woman who went through a similar situation. Sometimes we simply don't listen to advice (even if it's relevant or good) because we don't want to hear what someone (who has no idea what we're going through) has to say. However, it is much harder to ignore women who were in denial also and realized that they shouldn't stick around.

That's just the thing. How do you expect to 'make sure' they check in? All you can do is say things which you hope will convince them to go of their own volition. Most people just want a shoulder to cry on, but absolutely refuse to hear good advice when it comes their way. They desire sympathy, not help. In telling them things in a somewhat harsh way, you shatter their expectation of sympathy, and potentially get your point across. Their situation is beyond mere sympathy is what they *should* learn.

What's all this shit about physical abuse and emotional abuse being mutually exclusive? When a loved one hits you the marks may fade but the emotional effects of being hit by your boyfriend/girlfriend remain. It's not like when you get physically hit it doesn't also register with you emotionally.

Originally Posted by Lady Miyomi

Mental and emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse. It least with physical abuse, the marks will go away. Emotional damage stays around a lot longer than an actual wound does.

Yes, I've been in an abusive relationship. My advice to others would probably be to pay attention to your surroundings and your boyfriend/girlfriend's behavior. People tend to behave one way when you're dating, just married, etc. Somewhere along the line, they have to screw up and the real person comes out. That's what you need to watch out for.

Sassumomo, why are you curious about something like this?

Well, my male friend had been abused by his uncle.

What i have gathered from asking people and rectifying reallife cases is that Physical abuse is not just Physical it comes with Mental disorders.
In other words Mentaltrauma is inherent in Physical abuse.

I agree with Miyomi, we are living in masquerade.People are not what they seem.
Now i understand why Miyomi was secretive with me on that day.
Hmmm.:eyebrow:

I much rather go through physical abuse (not that I'm ever going to again!) because at least with that, you can fight back. However, with emotional abuse, you can't really fight back. There's way too many people in this world that have had stuff happen to them that take it out on their boyfriends/girlfriends.

I have no real reason to trust people in general, however, I do realize that there are people in this world that aren't like my ex and other people. I just don't feel like putting myself out there like that again because I might stab the next person that tries to put me through that again. I have various knives around me almost at all times, so I'm not playing.

Sexninja ~ The reason why I'm sorta secretive with certain things I say is because my ex had me stalked for awhile after I first left him. He had people watching me, coming up to me trying to be my friend and find out my business. I'm sure he's still up to his tricks because he tried it again recently.

Oh and another thing to watch out for, if you ever break up or threaten to break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend and they threaten to kill themselves...RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION IMMEDIATELY.

From a counselor/psychological standpoint, physical abuse is not just physical but always has a mental abuse component as well. Most of the time, people are just not aware of the mental component. As for it being hard to hurt someone with words...spend one day in as a counselor and you'll see how false this statement is. Words hurt longer and more deeply than physical abuse in most situations.

Abuse is abuse, regardless of its form. As a counselor, I have to help those who are hurt by abuse and those who are abusers. I strongly believe that everyone deserves a second chance, if they can prove they are truely worth it.

Originally Posted by washyu64

From a counselor/psychological standpoint, physical abuse is not just physical but always has a mental abuse component as well. Most of the time, people are just not aware of the mental component. As for it being hard to hurt someone with words...spend one day in as a counselor and you'll see how false this statement is. Words hurt longer and more deeply than physical abuse in most situations.

Abuse is abuse, regardless of its form. As a counselor, I have to help those who are hurt by abuse and those who are abusers. I strongly believe that everyone deserves a second chance, if they can prove they are truely worth it.

God, I wonder if you could ooze more sensitive feelings if you tried.

I don't see why you people put so much emphasis on this supposed "mental abuse." The only place I can see it being valid would be in the matter of children. I think there definitely IS mental abuse for them, only because their mind and thought processes aren't matured or solidified.

As for grown adults, I don't know what could be worse. A person who cries and whines about someone treating them in a manner which makes them feel worthless and does nothing about it, or those whole dole out the sympathy to these people like its the end of the fucking world.

PEOPLE ARE MEAN. The world isn't made of daisies and roses. People will try to take advantage of you at every corner - to think otherwise is only naive.

People who claim to be mentally abused generally aren't doing anything about it - otherwise, they wouldn't be talking/complaining about it. They perpetuate the problem it's self by feeding it with their presence. I don't think you can get much stupider than that.

Mental abuse IS real - but unless you're locked in a box and stuffed under the bed you're at as much fault of the situation as the person who's calling you bad names. Get over it.

Originally Posted by LeHah

People who claim to be mentally abused generally aren't doing anything about it - otherwise, they wouldn't be talking/complaining about it. They perpetuate the problem it's self by feeding it with their presence. I don't think you can get much stupider than that.

Wow. Finally. Someone who agrees with me. Well, partially anyways.

I can't imagine "mental abuse" being upheld in a court for anything. It could mean pretty much anything from calling a girl a stupid whore to throwing her down a dry well and telling her to put lotion on her skin. Which actually borders on physical abuse, but whatever.

Quote:

Mental abuse IS real - but unless you're locked in a box and stuffed under the bed you're at as much fault of the situation as the person who's calling you bad names. Get over it.

Wait. Wouldn't the actual physical act of locking someone in a box and shoving them under the bed be PHYSICAL abuse?

Mental abuse is such a world of crap. Stop feeling bad for yourselves. Jesus.

Quote:

Posted by Lady Miyomi
Sexninja ~ The reason why I'm sorta secretive with certain things I say is because my ex had me stalked for awhile after I first left him. He had people watching me, coming up to me trying to be my friend and find out my business. I'm sure he's still up to his tricks because he tried it again recently.

Kill a small animal and nail it to his door with a threatening note. That should get the point across.

I can't believe that your argument against mental abuse is that basic. Everytime a situation makes you *feel bad* due to something someone said or did in order to hurt you, that's mental abuse. That's all it is, nothing more, nothing less. You can't seriously be arguing that nothing anyone has ever said or done has hurt your feelings? This notion is so entirely alien that those who claim it are 'full of crap'?

I agree with you that you shouldn't just lamely feel bad for yourself, and that you should get over it. You may get over things quickly, or at least most of it quickly, but that doesn't mean that something didn't happen.

Originally Posted by PUG1911

I can't believe that your argument against mental abuse is that basic. Everytime a situation makes you *feel bad* due to something someone said or did in order to hurt you, that's mental abuse. That's all it is, nothing more, nothing less. You can't seriously be arguing that nothing anyone has ever said or done has hurt your feelings? This notion is so entirely alien that those who claim it are 'full of crap'?

You just proved my point.

EVERYONE has had to undergo "mental abuse" at one point or another. It's a bunch of bullshit to claim that you were "mentally abused" or something. Who gives a shit, right? Everyone gets shit on in their lives.

And I don't see why everyone should be walking around on tip-toes to avoid offending everyones' precious feelings. Give me a break.

Mental abuse is just a bunch of crap, you know? O someone mentally abused you? You poor, poor bloke! HERE. LET MOMMY MAKE IT BETTER. Give me a break, mate.

People have certainly HURT my feelings. But who cares, right? I'm not whining about it, and I don't claim to have been "ABUSED" because someone hurt my fucking feelings. Are you kidding me.

Its a part of life, fuckers. Get over it.

Quote:

I agree with you that you shouldn't just lamely feel bad for yourself, and that you should get over it. You may get over things quickly, or at least most of it quickly, but that doesn't mean that something didn't happen.

It's best for one to try and learn from these things instead of feel sorry for oneself.

Sass, your machismo in response to mental abuse would be admirable, except that as stated repeatedly, in the same situation you yourself don't do anything to rectify the situation. Vague statements that "things will be changing soon" are the words of a battered wife. You're banking on your dad changing his ways, which we all know is not going to happen. You're not being proactive enough to drive your arch-nemesis away, nor are you willing to swallow your pride and quit.

You're guilty of the very thing you're railing against and you don't even know it.

Originally Posted by Monkey King

Sass, your machismo in response to mental abuse would be admirable, except that as stated repeatedly, in the same situation you yourself don't do anything to rectify the situation. Vague statements that "things will be changing soon" are the words of a battered wife. You're banking on your dad changing his ways, which we all know is not going to happen. You're not being proactive enough to drive your arch-nemesis away, nor are you willing to swallow your pride and quit.

You're guilty of the very thing you're railing against and you don't even know it.

Sir, what the fuck are you on about. I get neither mentally or physically abused at my place of employ. I get FUCKED with, but thats no big deal. I get fucked with when I go to get my truck repaired too. Or if I go to a nice restaurant. Or ANYTHING.

Are you telling me that employers NEVER take advantage of their employees? Because thats a little naive.

And I've been through this tripe with Devo already. Just because theres a woman in my office that makes my life a living hell doesn't mean that I am getting abused. It means that there's a woman in my office. Take that as you will.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

God, I wonder if you could ooze more sensitive feelings if you tried.

I don't see why you people put so much emphasis on this supposed "mental abuse." The only place I can see it being valid would be in the matter of children. I think there definitely IS mental abuse for them, only because their mind and thought processes aren't matured or solidified.

As for grown adults, I don't know what could be worse. A person who cries and whines about someone treating them in a manner which makes them feel worthless and does nothing about it, or those whole dole out the sympathy to these people like its the end of the fucking world.

PEOPLE ARE MEAN. The world isn't made of daisies and roses. People will try to take advantage of you at every corner - to think otherwise is only naive.

True, people are mean. It does not mean that mental abuse does not occur in adults. It is MORE tramatic to children than adults, typically, but it can be just as devestating to adults, especually if they have never learned good/any coping skills. This is what makes children more vunerable to this type of abuse, since they have few, if any, adequate coping skills when they are young..

Believing that, just becuase your grown you cannot suffer mental abuse in a relationship or otherwise is also naive. I never stated the world the was made of daisies and roses. People have hard times, but that is seperate from what mental abuse is. Mental abuse is typically thought of as "emotional abuse" and is the willful infliction of mental or emotional anguish by threat, humiliation, intimidation or other abusive conduct. Cultural values and expectations play a significant role in how mental abuse is manifested and how it affects its victims. As I stated before, this is also the by-product of physical abuse.

Someone calling you a bad name, or bad mouthing you, is NOT mental abuse. Trying to generalize and applly this to stuff like that is naive. This kinds of situations are not abuse, by any means.

Lastly, people have recieved damages in court cases for "psychological abuse", which is just a more technical term for mental abuse, just so you know Sass. Yes, I know, your gonna want examples of this to prove my point. I have to go take my car in, so I'll find you your examples when I get back in a bit.

Originally Posted by washyu64

Lastly, people have recieved damages in court cases for "psychological abuse", which is just a more technical term for mental abuse, just so you know Sass. Yes, I know, your gonna want examples of this to prove my point. I have to go take my car in, so I'll find you your examples when I get back in a bit.

I just wanted to interject something here, if I may. People have received damages in court for a multitude of ridiculous claims, including being burned by hot coffee and getting fat from eating too much fast food. So that's not the best example you could have used to illustrate your point.

For the record, I am a big believer in emotional/mental abuse, particularly where children are concerned. You can do a hell of a lot of permanent damage to a child through your words.

Spanking is now labled a form of child abuse, though. I personally believe in the act because it showed me what to do and what not to do as a child. People just have more excuses than ever to justify themselves being weak or stupid; how sad is that?

Everyone is batshit. "Sane is what everyone is and you are not" as the saying goes.

Originally Posted by washyu64

True, people are mean. It does not mean that mental abuse does not occur in adults. It is MORE tramatic