Abusive Relationships

How do you define an abusive relationship? Do you put physical abuse higher on the scale than mental abuse?

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? What advice would you give to others?

Or maybe you hate the very notion and think 'dem bitches DESERVE what they get.

Let's tawk.

Sometimes I think people stay in abusive relationships because they just have to have a boyfriend/girlfriend to function.

I know there's other reasons too but it's just what I think of whenever I hear relationship abuse.

Originally Posted by soniclover

Sometimes I think people stay in abusive relationships because they just have to have a boyfriend/girlfriend to function.

I know there's other reasons too but it's just what I think of whenever I hear relationship abuse.

I agree that some people can't stand being alone, and I understand that (though I think its retarded to need someone in your life to function.)

But at which point do you give up and decide "Okay. This ISN'T WORTH IT." What if you have kids, for fucks sakes. ;_;

The mental abuse is twice as painful as the physical abuse. The pain from a blow subsides. A blow dealt by a sharp tongue scars the mind for a long time.

Yes Sassafrass, exactly. When I was about 7 or 8, my Mother got hit by my Dad in Anger. He slept out in the car for about a week and then they got a divorce soon afterwards. There were 5 and one big house which all because the responsibility of my one working mother. She found a way to take care of all of us without him. That's what I call a strong person.

At the time, I told my mother, "was it that big of a deal? It was only once." but she said "if they do it once, they're just going to do it again".

I really admire my mother's strength. She won't put up with crap just to have someone there in her bed. That includes free-loading, lies, and just all around garbage.

Originally Posted by SemperFidelis

The mental abuse is twice as painful as the physical abuse. The pain from a blow subsides. A blow dealt by a sharp tongue scars the mind for a long time.

I disagree. It's a lot harder to hurt someone with words than it is with physical violence. Besides, the fear factor is MUCH more present with the physical abuse. Mental abuse isn't too terrifying, and you can pretty much control what you listen to.

Physical abuse, you can literally fear for your life. Mental abuse is just a bunch of bullshit if you ask me. Calling people BAD NAMES. I mean, come on. Get over it. Consider the SOURCE, here.

Mental/emotional abuse is a lot more than calling names.

Sometimes, it can all be part of laying blame; or, in some cases, refusing to recognize where another person's priorities lie.

Spoiler:

In my case, music (and the performance thereof) is the single most important thing, and Stephen has said that he fears the day when I decide that music is more important to me than him. Too bad it's been that way for these four years that I've known him. And so I feel like shit for feeling how I feel, but I stay with him because he's one of the few people with whom I almost feel safe.

Physical and mental abuse hurt in different ways. Yes if they are beating you, you will fear for your life and it's probably safer for you to get out. I don't think I'd prefer one over the other, I wouldn't even put myself in that kind of situation.

People stay in these relationships, not really because they want a boyfriend, but because they have low self esteem. They don't feel like they can find someone better, or they make excuses up for the abuser and then tell themselves it's probably their own fault for making them angry. This is bullshit, but that's how people with low self esteem see situations. No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship, and some need help getting out. My coworker's been in an abusive marriage for several months but I'm so proud of her for getting the courage to move out. Now the guy's hospitalized so he can't hurt himself or anyone else. But if she didn't leave, he would have kept on drinking and kept on abusing her.

Quote:

People stay in these relationships, not really because they want a boyfriend, but because they have low self esteem. They don't feel like they can find someone better, or they make excuses up for the abuser and then tell themselves it's probably their own fault for making them angry. This is bullshit, but that's how people with low self esteem see situations. No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship, and some need help getting out. My coworker's been in an abusive marriage for several months but I'm so proud of her for getting the courage to move out. Now the guy's hospitalized so he can't hurt himself or anyone else. But if she didn't leave, he would have kept on drinking and kept on abusing her.

I agree some girls that i know of think their to ugly to get someone better. but if you would see them and see the guy you can obiuosly tell she can do better.

Also i have a quetion i have a friend of mines which is in a relationship with this girl who likes to play "rough".e.x she kicks him in the shins pulls his hair punches him in the arm and bites him and not the good way. Well anyways i could tell he get's mad sometimes but i can't understand why he stays? so my question is is play fighting abuse??

I personally think it's childlish and stupid i told him to that i would'nt stand going out with her for an hour.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I disagree. It's a lot harder to hurt someone with words than it is with physical violence.

This really depends on the self-esteem of the person the words are about/directed at. Since you're not very self-consious, it may be difficult for you to understand this.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Mental abuse is just a bunch of bullshit if you ask me.

Your forgetfulness/ignorance floors me at times. You aren't everyone, Sass.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Calling people BAD NAMES.

Trust me, there are many more ways to insult people than simple name calling. Along with what wvlfpvp mentioned, it can range from anything from character attacks to lack of interest.

Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?

Mental abuse is really only effective if the person the comments are about has a shitty self-esteem. Being that they already feel bad about themself, it's pretty obvious that they stay in the relationship because of this. (Basically, they feel like they're not gonna find anyone else, and some is better than none.)

On the flip side, the abusive person usually thinks the same way. They know that most people won't stick around for that shit, so they feel it's better to stay with the person that does allow it than to risk being alone because no one else with put up with it.

There is a degree of mental abuse in physically abusive relationships, too. Fear isn't a positive thing, and living with someone you fear can't be too encouraging, either.

(Suck it, soapy.)

Originally Posted by wvlfpvp

Mental/emotional abuse is a lot more than calling names.

Sometimes, it can all be part of laying blame; or, in some cases, refusing to recognize where another person's priorities lie.

Yea, but so what? Any person with a brain can derive their own conclusions, right? And any intelligent person coul dbe able to determine "okay. this isn't the kind of person I want to be with."

I'll never get the emphasis on mental abuse. You LITERALLY can not be mentally abused if you just DON'T LISTEN to bullshit.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

I'll never get the emphasis on mental abuse. You LITERALLY can not be mentally abused if you just DON'T LISTEN to bullshit.

lol

You seem to be using yourself as the standard by which you measure everyone else. You're not wrong, but not everyone is like you.

Quote:

You seem to be using yourself as the standard by which you measure everyone else. You're not wrong, but not everyone is like you.

sometimes that's what i think is wrong with the world when people are to stupid to leave a mental abuse. I understand physical more than mental some people are afraid to get hurt. while in mental how are you going to get hurt with words

Originally Posted by eks

lol

You seem to be using yourself as the standard by which you measure everyone else. You're not wrong, but not everyone is like you.

Yea dude. Totally. People should try to be more like me. The more, the better. ^_^

But seriously. Don't you think that listening to a bunch of angry bullshit out of your loved one's mouth is CRAP? Yea, okay, so it hurts if someone says something REALLY MEAN to you. About O GOD ITS ALL YOUR FAULT our kid is OBESE.

But seriously, people. Use some fucking logic and the mental abuse card will die out on it's own.

Yeah, Sass, I think you're very good at shrugging off verbal abuse. Others are not as resilent. The really bad ones crumble immediately.

Well, we all have our weaknesses in our character.

I think people just need to find ways to build up their self-esteem somehow.

On a side note: I always found it amusing that those who always dish out a lot of verbal abuse crumble when someone actually says something about them.

Originally Posted by eks

(Suck it, soapy.)

Thanks for repeating what I just said, lol

It's really easy for people with high self esteem think that people who have none need to just suck it up. That's what you'd like to tell them, but people who aren't sure of themselves find this very difficult to do and it's frustrating for everyone to just watch. I hate people who put themselves down as though they can't do better. Then again, overconfidence is kind of irritating too.

Everyone, let's be smart and 'Bring it off' because an argument starts.

Anyways, I know a girl who actually fights with her boyfriend to express their anger. They both hit each other (she had some nasty marks on her) and beat the anger out of each other. She was actually fine with it too. I guess they both didn't care about getting their anger out with physical violence.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

Yea dude. Totally. People should try to be more like me. The more, the better. ^_^

In this particular aspect, I think being more like you would be a good thing.

Originally Posted by Sassafrass

But seriously. Don't you think that listening to a bunch of angry bullshit out of your loved one's mouth is CRAP? Yea, okay, so it hurts if someone says something REALLY MEAN to you. About O GOD ITS ALL YOUR FAULT our kid is OBESE.

Of course. Unfortunately, some people follow their emotions instead of logic.

Originally Posted by soniclover

Anyways, I know a girl who actually fights with her boyfriend to express their anger. They both hit each other (she had some nasty marks on her) and beat the anger out of each other. She was actually fine with it too. I guess they both didn't care about getting their anger out with physical violence.

Anyone who attacks (physically or mentally) an innocent bystander should get some treatment for it. I don't care what they say, that isn't healthy.