If your parents didn't like your bf/gf...

...what would you do? My now ex-girlfriend broke up with me for that exact reason. Her family is very close-knit, and her parents stated rather clearly that they would never accept me into the family. It was literally a choice of "them or me". There were a couple of other small issues, but we discussed those and mutually agreed they could have been resolved/were in the process of being resolved. We now have a very close, strong friendship. However, I am still very much in love with her, and would like very much to resume a romantic relationship. She however refuses to, due to the whole parents issue.

So my question is, if your parents forced you to choose between your blood or the person you were in love with, which would you choose?

EDIT: Mind you, I'm not going to knock anyone's opinions, or use this to say to her "Look, see?" It's just something I'm curious about. Gauging opinion.

Clearly the parents, who in the world raised you and gave you money to support you (though this depends on the situation of the household for this is my personal perspective in regards to my family). It is between "love" and "family unity," personally family unity comes first due to responsibility. There are plenty of other fish in the sea while you just have ONE immediate family.

Fortunately I don't have that problem. If I did, I'd probably chose the person I love and tell my parents to live with it or fuck off. If they couldn't accept the person I love, that's their problem that needs fixing. I'm not going to reject the person I love because of bigotry, racism or unreasonable hate from any family members.

Could it be possible that your parents see something that you do not in this particular person (regardless of race, biogotry etc..) in which they are attempting to protect you from possible errors of falling in love with the "wrong person"? It might be selfish to completely neglect your parent's say due to being in "love" in which it may blind you from thinking rationally.

Parents, if they make sense. Under trite reasons like, he has pierced ears or tattoos, I probably wouldn't listen but from an objective point of view, a lot of times parents make a lot of sense over the criticisms they have for the current boyfriend. But I don't think I could ever marry a man my mother didn't like. Although to be honest, she'd only like me to marry a doctor or lawyer with a six figure annual income who's at least 5'11.

But really, if it was an ultimatum "me or them", I'd choose the family. Simply because relationships come and go but no one, I really mean no one, will love you like your family loves you.

A pity, guess your mother wouldn't like me then. Waah (cries in the corner due to being 5'8")

Originally Posted by valiant

Could it be possible that your parents see something that you do not in this particular person (regardless of race, biogotry etc..) in which they are attempting to protect you from possible errors of falling in love with the "wrong person"? It might be selfish to completely neglect your parent's say due to being in "love" in which it may blind you from thinking rationally.

Well, to to quote my ex, she said the reason her parents didn't like me was because they felt I "couldn't protect her". Now, I'm not a big guy, but I can fight when I need to. Her brother was big, played football. He ended up dying in a car wreck. The reason they felt I couldn't protect her was because I wasn't as big as her brother was. This is all according to her, again.

If your girlfriend leaves you just because her parents don't accept you, than maybe it's better that way. Doesn't sound like true love anyway (I mean, if I really loved someone, I wouldn't leave him just because my parents wanted it that way)

Originally Posted by valiant

Could it be possible that your parents see something that you do not in this particular person (regardless of race, biogotry etc..) in which they are attempting to protect you from possible errors of falling in love with the "wrong person"? It might be selfish to completely neglect your parent's say due to being in "love" in which it may blind you from thinking rationally.

No because I'm definitely not idealistic or blind to faults in people. If they really disliked someone I love too damn bad. They should let me "learn my lesson" and say "i told you so" later. I'm not about to choose between people I love. Parents who make those kinds of ultimatums are immature people to begin with.

i would go with the person i loved, but that's because i know my parents are racist, would only ever accept someone who is earning a six figure salary and is ideally an accountant, doctor or lawyer. also because i just don't have any feelings towards my parents.

What was the parent's reasoning?

I mean, who the fuck are they to tell you who to date? Having shitty relationships with your parents and through dating is part of growing up. I sincerely doubt any sane person would ditch their kids because of who they're dating.

Maybe it's some Saudi Arabian family; I heard fathers trade their daughters for Rolls Royce there.

Speaking from a experience, just let it go man. Fighting it is just going to make you bitter.

Personally though, I would say fuck you to my parents since I'm a very independent person. My family doesn't even know the details of any relationships/fuck buddies I've ever had. I don't purposely keep them in the dark, they just know better than to be judgemental about who I chose interested in, because I'm not having that shit.

Originally Posted by Musharraf

Maybe it's some Saudi Arabian family; I heard fathers trade their daughters for Rolls Royce there.

Ha-ha! Nope. Caucasian, blond hair, blue eyes.

Double Post:
Thought about this in the shower. Now, I'm not extremely close to my family, but I still love them. My dad has some anger issues, and my mom is 3 kinds crazy, but I love them both. However, if they stated flat-out that I would have to choose between them and the person I was in love with, I'd tell them to slag off. Not because I believe that love is more important, but because I think that if my parents truly love me, then they should respect whatever choices I make concerning who I might spend the rest of my life with. Let me make my own decisions, learn from whatever mistakes I may make. That's what irks me about this, is that they don't respect her choice, and put her in this position. Honestly, I feel that the person asking you to unconditionally choose between them and someone else is the one you don't go with. It's selfish and unfair. But that's just my opinion, mind you.

Originally Posted by valiant

Could it be possible that your parents see something that you do not in this particular person (regardless of race, biogotry etc..) in which they are attempting to protect you from possible errors of falling in love with the "wrong person"? It might be selfish to completely neglect your parent's say due to being in "love" in which it may blind you from thinking rationally.

Sure. But then its a question of how much you trust their judgement, and that has nothing to do with their being your parents--you might have an insightful friend who's view you are equally obligated to consider. My dad is a very intelligent man, if he has a problem with someone I'm dating, I'm going to seriously consider his words. But they don't have weight because hes family, they have weight because hes smarter than I and its quite possible he sees something I don't.

But keep in mind, your parents aren't in a position to get to know your GF/BF nearly as well as you. Your view holds more weight than theirs, and they should respect this. If they don't, then either A. They don't have much respect for you, or B. They're know-it-all control freaks. I don't accept either of these in people I associate with, family or not.

Parents can have a wise view on things at times. Depends on your parents. Some folks have batshit crazy moms & dads. Mine are very down-to-earth and if they complain about something, they won't say it to my face. They don't wanna hurt my feelings unless they feel the need to. There's this gal my oldest brother is going out with. She's a follow-up to a girl he went out with for, like, three years. My mom loved that girl to death and essentially stapled "DAUGHTER-IN-LAW" to her forehead. He dumps her and goes to someone else. She never said any complaints to his face, but man she was upset that he didn't stick with that girl. Behind his back, she almost made a list of why she didn't approve of her. Simply because she strongly believed the last one was the perfect match. The reason they broke up was that they were "too similar," I think. It was kinda eerie, but still, I figured they would've gotten hitched for sure.

My dad is very laid back. He sees dating as an experience you should diversify in. Trial & Error. He's very perceptive of our womens.

The girl who I've had an on-and-off relationship with in recent years really loves my mom and vice versa. They get along nicely. My dad is approving, as always.

But still, I get buzzed with some jabs from my old man because this girl's mother was a stripper =p My mom knew of her past employment from speaking to the stripper's ex-hubby some time ago.

"Well, at least ya know she'll look nice in twenty years, Marshall."
>__>

Bottom line? Unless ma & pa have some damn good reason not to go out with them, stick with how you believe. Just because you go against their word and hang around with the guy or gal in-question doesn't mean they'll burn all your photos and disavow parental status. If you see what they meant later on (ie: troublemaker, lazy, no future, etc) then you can give them the ability to say "I told you so."

Hate to sound corny, but a lot of life is a learning experience. Things are put in text books for those who take-it-with-faith often. If you don't trust the text, go against it. You might just have an angle to disprove it.

I'd ask my parent's WHY they have a problem with it. Then weigh the situation carefully. I wouldn't just go dump my gf because my parents didn't like her unless there was a good reason.

Even though I'm 13 if my parents didn't like the girl I was dating then I'd probably end the relationship. After all your parents are the ones that raised you, and they have already experienced things like this before in their lifes, so they know about it.

Quote:

We now have a very close, strong friendship. However, I am still very much in love with her, and would like very much to resume a romantic relationship. She however refuses to, due to the whole parents issue.

This is very unfair to you, and you should cut it off. How can you really call someone friend when you are being forced into such a position?

As for parents issuing such an ultimatum in the first place, it is something unthinkable in my family. To make the suggestion that one could cut off a child in such a manner and still call themselves a parent is absurd.