Whipped Friends

I don't know how many people have this problem (especially since most of my friends consist of asian females) but my friends are still treated like untrustworthy minors by their parents and don't bother to stand up for themselves. And I'm not talking rebellious teens here either, they're all nerds whose worst crime is probably using a cheat sheet for a test.

Their parents are constantly telling them to come home early, eat dinner with them, as well as force them into jobs and summer school. This summer officially sucks because all of my friends either have a job, school or both. On top of this, their free time is spent with their family because they must "eat" with them. They are tired, unhappy and stressed even during the summer! And yet they just let their family ride roughshod over them.

I don't want to intervene really but I feel like they should at least tell their family that they're old enough to be out past 9pm and that their friends deserve time with them as well. =(

I prefer parents like that much more than those who let their kids do whatever they want and be like "hehe you smoked your first joint today? cool!"

And I dunno, but how do you know that most of them are 'tired, unhappy and stressed' about their situation? I certainly can imagine that some of them are not that unhappy at all, not having experienced anything else.

I wouldn't call that whipped. I would call it obedient.

And it's not that they're thinking that they're some felon, it's that they don't want them to become one.

I know I really hate it when my mom tells me to do shit for her, like mowing the lawn, or painting the house, or helping to build a fence with my stepdad, but if she didn't, it's more than likely I'd be wasting away my hours on my butt with nothing to do but play videogames.

Hey, wait...

Honestly, though, I think I'm more likely to be one of those parents too. I'll give my daughter a curfew and worry too much and get ulcers from wondering why they haven't come home on time. I agree, I think stringency is good, especially in a parent. I'd like to see less spoiled brats running around, and thinking they've got the stones to do whatever they feel like.

Asian parents are only doing that to keep their kids in line, and make them into good people. That's all there is to it.

Every asian I know is like that, and some have buckled under that pressure and have become total wrecks or just suddenly tell their parents to fuck off and do whatever they want.
However, there are those that manage fine - they have a great relationship with their parents and are still able to maintain a more than healthy social life.
I'm somewhere between the two. I love my parents, and I totally understand all that they've done, but there are times when I'm sick of it and just tell em off for not letting me out.

Tonight is just one of those nights.
My friends are inviting me out to dinner, but I just wanna stay home to eat.
It's a mixture of exhaustion from this morning's match against Croatia, and because I feel guilty for having been out every day this week. So it's the least I can do.
There's nothing wrong with that, as far as I'm concerned.

However, mix strict asian parents with rebellious teens and you've got a disaster on your hands. Those are the worst kids of them all.

I'm what described by Devo perfectly. I'm houseboy, just like what he did say, my parents demand me to be obediant, and I dont mind about it. I never had rebellious time during my teenager age actually, and I dont call it problems.

Problems usually come when I cant have what people naturally already have, like friends to hang around with or for god sake, driving license. My mom is just too damn paranoid to give me a car and let me driving it. I feel my mom over-protectionism toward me these years has shelled me over reality.

But I'm not really attached to my family, No.
My mom is a busy business woman and she expects me to be matured and demands me to picture how my future would become so I wont end like my good for nothing father. She works and home late at night, rarely having time to spend with me.
My sis is a Jesus Christ #1 fan and she never had time to spent for me except quoting bible words randomly. She's everyone sister but not mine.

The only person I consider as real family is my grandmother, sadly she was passed last year, and it took around 1 month before I really recovered.

being a houseboy doesnt mean we are attached to family naturally, no, I think it's just part of family culture

I took summer school in high school because I had to for classes I wanted to take over the school year.

Once you're in college, it's a given that you either get a job or take summer school. People are "mature" enough that they know their priorities. Most people aren't rich, so they need the extra cash to support themselves and to be more independent. Also, they're trying to put something on their resume since any work experience will strengthen their resume. But if their forced into jobs, that's kind of sad because they'll most likely hate where their working.

As for summer school, most people take them because they're behind in school and need to catch up. Or some people take courses at a junior college to fulfill some requirements for graduation.

Your friends have very strict parents. Even among other Asian friends I know, none are that strict. I guess once they're off to college, the parents will loosen up.

Originally Posted by Trigunnerz

Your friends have very strict parents. Even among other Asian friends I know, none are that strict. I guess once they're off to college, the parents will loosen up.

They are in college, and I can tell they're tired and unhappy by their demeanor Mush, it doesn't take a genius to see someone is exhausted.

I don't fault them for being in summer school or having job (for those of you who didn't understand), but their jobs or choices in summer school are mostly based on their parents decisions instead of their own. And whenever I do spend time with them I'm lucky if it lasts more than 2 hours because their parents call them to come back home and eat or be home before 9pm.

Ah, whipped friends.

One of my best friends seems to have strict parents. He has a brother going into Grade 8 and his sister is going into Grade 9 this year. He still has to stay home to babysit them, and he's going to university this year. It's not like his siblings are bratty or wild or anything, they could probably live manage being home alone if need be.

He used to not be allowed to go on the computer and his siblings would eat up hours more than he did on the computer, and he spent a long time on the computer playing MMORPGs...when his parents weren't home, that is!
My friend has a laptop now, but even though it's his computer exclusively now, why he's not allowed to go on it often is beyond me.

He's not really allowed to go out to much places for longer periods of time, except mine, once in a while, if I'm providing dinner, and I lie and say we cooked it for that day especially (which only works once in a while). Not really allowed to go out much places except for his friends' places.

I have parents like this, but they were strict because my father's career caused him to see how evil humans could be. They have lived rough lives and they didn't want me or my siblings to be as rebellous as they were. They have lightened up a bit, but they are still strict about a few things such as my sister walking to places by herself since she is a girl w/o martial arts training and about meeting our dates (and taking line-up photographs of them) before we go out with them.

However, there are some benefits to having parents that are known to be strict. I have this annoying friend who wants to hang out with me all the time every single second and I don't like to be trapped like that, so I tell him that my parents won't let me and he backs off a little. It also helps when you need to study or want private time, but there are some definite drawbacks to it if you have friends that actually want to hang out with you.

My friends are alike these "whipped" category people. At least one is. His life is still majorly dictated by his parents due to the fact he's raised by full-bloomed Chinese parents.

My parents are also come from a major asian culture influence, but they're different for some reason. Although, the typical ongoing standard is that asian parents treat their children in the original asian fashion, disciplinary actions. Whether it be climbing a mountain 3 times or taking apart a 12 bicycles, reassembling them, testing them, repeat while under constant watch, the children are the parent's hope to an even higher successful future. And asian parents just want the best, of everything.

I was a good child, probably one described above, but not to that extent. It's probably weird in America, but I'm sure in Asia it's normal to have children who actually listen to their parents. Far too many times I have seen children, especially those on my block, act like arrogant brats, you know those kids who hurl water balloons at your parked car, or those who think it's fun to ring your doorbell and run away giggling. Children like that need discipline, and disciplined children will prevent those "nanny" shows ever appearing. Have you ever seen one of those shows? Those kids need a good slapping.

Now in college I have much more freedoms, and even then sometimes I wish I could see my parents more often than only breaks. It seems like your friends don't live in a dorm because it would seem weird to have to come home to a curfew if they do. Just like everyone else, they just want the best for their kids. I currently do research this summer, and it's not a bad thing to want to do something productive (and make money) because it's college: time to face life.

It's harder than you think to say something that "rebels" against your parents, especially Asian parents. I mean, my Indian roommate went home every weekend, and she lived with me. So that was kind of overdoing it in my opinion. But I know it seems weird to buckle into parental demand each time, but in my eyes it makes you seem like you appreciate what they're giving you by showing your respect for their decisions. Eventually they'll be let go.

As long as they live under their parent's roofs, they have to do what they say. If it's that bad, you can see if they'd want to move out because that's probably the only way to really settle the issue. Also under a cultural aspect, Asian have that whole group mentality rather than an individual one. So, asking them to rebel and go against their parent's wishes is akin to spitting in their faces.

But asking them to be home by 9, eat dinner with them, get a job and go to summer school isn't that bad. It could be worse.

From what i've observed, Asian parents, especially Japanese ones, are VERY close to arab parents, they have the same amount of strictness and demand for obedience and appreciation of "family values".

It kills my most fun days with them, so i totally can relate to what you're saying Devo.

They'd have to go home early, a guy who's 21 years old, believe it or not.
We're arabs, so i wouldn't feel strange if he was a girl, because girls are generally over-protected here, but A GUY??
For god's sake he's legal age to do anything, and he can't stay out beyond 12 am? He already lives away from his family when his college time is 'in' .. He's here just for the summer, what the hell is that about then?

I'd generally talk rebellion into them, i know it doesn't make you popular with the parents, but hell if they're the reason you're not having fun with your friends then you probably don't like them anyway (If not i would strongly advise you not to like them..>.<).

But remember, some things go against culture and general ethics (or what's regarded as ethics among that certain society) so try not to go against that when advising them to fight back, there's stuff they (and you) just have to accept, it ain't fair, but let's face it, preservative cultures suck. I of all should know, coming from one.

Useless info : I've always did what i just advised you to do, i talked my friends into rebellion on their restrictive families, because mine wasn't. especially considering that being a guy grants you extra freedom here - and in asia generally (yeh i know =/ ) so a guy in general should never be restricted to certain times or rules if he isn't doing anything wrong, and not by a parent when he's 21 !!!
Although i did learn that some stuff you gotta fight for, like my right to stay out till 4 am, when i was 17..

Hope that helps some, like i said, tell them to demand more time away from the family. They're grown up enough for it..

Oh and stuff like summer school might be acceptable if they're not too hurt by it, work, however, is NOT unless they want to.
There are moments when controlling your son/daughter's time-spending becomes pure nazism. Forcing them to work is right on the edge of that, methinks.

EDIT BECAUSE OF TAMA8CHAN : REBELLION here wasn't meant as teenage rage and just being an asshole with your parents, i used 'rebel [against]' here as "object to and try to change" whatever wrong situation it is you're facing.

It's not something where you should fight back, dude.
Staying out late and rebelling isn't a RIGHT. Rebelling does absolutely nothing to help the family unit, and that's what this whole thing with Asian parents is about.
You have to reach compromises in order to keep up a healthy family relationship.

Rebellion is considered such a 'normal' teenage trait that so many parents are willing to turn the other cheek, saying it's 'just a phase', with the ongoing hope that one day they will just SNAP out of it. And it's such a 'normal' trait that teenagers are willing to exploit that.
Sure, it could lead to experiences that you will never forget, but it's specifically WHAT KIND of experiences that the parents are worried about. Would they affect school life? Personal life? Would they essentially fuck you up? Prevention is the best cure, as they say, and Asian parents apply that with strict force.

But like I said before: COMPROMISE.

Do a few extra chores around the house....have dinner with them more often.....give them insight into what your life is like. DO WELL IN YOUR STUDIES! They'll at least be a lot more lenient that way.
Having a family that cares about you is better than one that doesn't.

Excuse my incorrect usage of language tama8.

I didn't mean rebellion as in "teenage wrath", i meant just fiercely objecting to whatever restrictions unfairly imposed on you by your parents.

It's not just about staying out late, it's about doing what you want because you're not doing anything wrong, nothing in ANY culture says you can't do that, or at least ask for it..Or even fight for it, because it IS a right. You have a right to do what you want, so long as you harm no one, if the "no one" includes yourself, then i see no reason why this behaviour should be frowned upon.

Oh and sadly you have a very bright vision of parents, parents sometimes take extreme measures to make sure you remain OK, which is a good thing up until it starts fucking up your social life, the way Devo described it.

I still advise you to talk to them; ask them to talk to their parents, first quietly, but DEMAND it if they refuse to listen to common sense (yes i assume that freedom is common sense). I insist : it is their right, unless something they ask is wrong/unethical.

Originally Posted by Devo

Their parents are constantly telling them to come home early, eat dinner with them, as well as force them into jobs and summer school. This summer officially sucks because all of my friends either have a job, school or both. On top of this, their free time is spent with their family because they must "eat" with them.

I wouldn't call this "whipped" at all. My parents are pretty much two of my better friends. Very wise, damn good senses of humor, and always a real blast to be around. I'm always taking summer school because I want to finish college on time. I get jobs so my parents won't have to pay all of my student loans themselves. They don't make too much, y'know. I take my money from part timing at the farm, making & selling jewelry, and cash from other jobs and apply it to my meal money, car insurance, and loans. They give me a roof over my head and a few free meals, and I'm quite grateful.

My dad works shifts on the farm which involve him to wake up at 5am and work until 7pm daily. He's been working like that for almost all of my life and has provided damn well for me and to top it off, he's always been in a good mood. I've got nooooo problem spending a meal talking with him and my mom. Not everyone despises their "evil parents," you know. I'm quite proud to say I'm descended from mine, because they're damn good people.