If your parents didn't like your bf/gf...

...what would you do? My now ex-girlfriend broke up with me for that exact reason. Her family is very close-knit, and her parents stated rather clearly that they would never accept me into the family. It was literally a choice of "them or me". There were a couple of other small issues, but we discussed those and mutually agreed they could have been resolved/were in the process of being resolved. We now have a very close, strong friendship. However, I am still very much in love with her, and would like very much to resume a romantic relationship. She however refuses to, due to the whole parents issue.

So my question is, if your parents forced you to choose between your blood or the person you were in love with, which would you choose?

EDIT: Mind you, I'm not going to knock anyone's opinions, or use this to say to her "Look, see?" It's just something I'm curious about. Gauging opinion.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Clearly the parents, who in the world raised you and gave you money to support you (though this depends on the situation of the household for this is my personal perspective in regards to my family). It is between "love" and "family unity," personally family unity comes first due to responsibility. There are plenty of other fish in the sea while you just have ONE immediate family.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Could it be possible that your parents see something that you do not in this particular person (regardless of race, biogotry etc..) in which they are attempting to protect you from possible errors of falling in love with the "wrong person"? It might be selfish to completely neglect your parent's say due to being in "love" in which it may blind you from thinking rationally.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Parents, if they make sense. Under trite reasons like, he has pierced ears or tattoos, I probably wouldn't listen but from an objective point of view, a lot of times parents make a lot of sense over the criticisms they have for the current boyfriend. But I don't think I could ever marry a man my mother didn't like. Although to be honest, she'd only like me to marry a doctor or lawyer with a six figure annual income who's at least 5'11.

But really, if it was an ultimatum "me or them", I'd choose the family. Simply because relationships come and go but no one, I really mean no one, will love you like your family loves you.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

A pity, guess your mother wouldn't like me then. Waah (cries in the corner due to being 5'8")

How ya doing, buddy?

Originally Posted by valiant

Could it be possible that your parents see something that you do not in this particular person (regardless of race, biogotry etc..) in which they are attempting to protect you from possible errors of falling in love with the "wrong person"? It might be selfish to completely neglect your parent's say due to being in "love" in which it may blind you from thinking rationally.

Well, to to quote my ex, she said the reason her parents didn't like me was because they felt I "couldn't protect her". Now, I'm not a big guy, but I can fight when I need to. Her brother was big, played football. He ended up dying in a car wreck. The reason they felt I couldn't protect her was because I wasn't as big as her brother was. This is all according to her, again.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

If your girlfriend leaves you just because her parents don't accept you, than maybe it's better that way. Doesn't sound like true love anyway (I mean, if I really loved someone, I wouldn't leave him just because my parents wanted it that way)

FELIPE NO

i would go with the person i loved, but that's because i know my parents are racist, would only ever accept someone who is earning a six figure salary and is ideally an accountant, doctor or lawyer. also because i just don't have any feelings towards my parents.

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What was the parent's reasoning?

I mean, who the fuck are they to tell you who to date? Having shitty relationships with your parents and through dating is part of growing up. I sincerely doubt any sane person would ditch their kids because of who they're dating.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Maybe it's some Saudi Arabian family; I heard fathers trade their daughters for Rolls Royce there.

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Speaking from a experience, just let it go man. Fighting it is just going to make you bitter.

Personally though, I would say fuck you to my parents since I'm a very independent person. My family doesn't even know the details of any relationships/fuck buddies I've ever had. I don't purposely keep them in the dark, they just know better than to be judgemental about who I chose interested in, because I'm not having that shit.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

Originally Posted by Musharraf

Maybe it's some Saudi Arabian family; I heard fathers trade their daughters for Rolls Royce there.

Ha-ha! Nope. Caucasian, blond hair, blue eyes.

Double Post:
Thought about this in the shower. Now, I'm not extremely close to my family, but I still love them. My dad has some anger issues, and my mom is 3 kinds crazy, but I love them both. However, if they stated flat-out that I would have to choose between them and the person I was in love with, I'd tell them to slag off. Not because I believe that love is more important, but because I think that if my parents truly love me, then they should respect whatever choices I make concerning who I might spend the rest of my life with. Let me make my own decisions, learn from whatever mistakes I may make. That's what irks me about this, is that they don't respect her choice, and put her in this position. Honestly, I feel that the person asking you to unconditionally choose between them and someone else is the one you don't go with. It's selfish and unfair. But that's just my opinion, mind you.

I am a dolphin, do you want me on your body?

Originally Posted by valiant

Could it be possible that your parents see something that you do not in this particular person (regardless of race, biogotry etc..) in which they are attempting to protect you from possible errors of falling in love with the "wrong person"? It might be selfish to completely neglect your parent's say due to being in "love" in which it may blind you from thinking rationally.

Sure. But then its a question of how much you trust their judgement, and that has nothing to do with their being your parents--you might have an insightful friend who's view you are equally obligated to consider. My dad is a very intelligent man, if he has a problem with someone I'm dating, I'm going to seriously consider his words. But they don't have weight because hes family, they have weight because hes smarter than I and its quite possible he sees something I don't.

But keep in mind, your parents aren't in a position to get to know your GF/BF nearly as well as you. Your view holds more weight than theirs, and they should respect this. If they don't, then either A. They don't have much respect for you, or B. They're know-it-all control freaks. I don't accept either of these in people I associate with, family or not.

I was speaking idiomatically.

Parents can have a wise view on things at times. Depends on your parents. Some folks have batshit crazy moms & dads. Mine are very down-to-earth and if they complain about something, they won't say it to my face. They don't wanna hurt my feelings unless they feel the need to. There's this gal my oldest brother is going out with. She's a follow-up to a girl he went out with for, like, three years. My mom loved that girl to death and essentially stapled "DAUGHTER-IN-LAW" to her forehead. He dumps her and goes to someone else. She never said any complaints to his face, but man she was upset that he didn't stick with that girl. Behind his back, she almost made a list of why she didn't approve of her. Simply because she strongly believed the last one was the perfect match. The reason they broke up was that they were "too similar," I think. It was kinda eerie, but still, I figured they would've gotten hitched for sure.

My dad is very laid back. He sees dating as an experience you should diversify in. Trial & Error. He's very perceptive of our womens.

The girl who I've had an on-and-off relationship with in recent years really loves my mom and vice versa. They get along nicely. My dad is approving, as always.

But still, I get buzzed with some jabs from my old man because this girl's mother was a stripper =p My mom knew of her past employment from speaking to the stripper's ex-hubby some time ago.

"Well, at least ya know she'll look nice in twenty years, Marshall."
>__>

Bottom line? Unless ma & pa have some damn good reason not to go out with them, stick with how you believe. Just because you go against their word and hang around with the guy or gal in-question doesn't mean they'll burn all your photos and disavow parental status. If you see what they meant later on (ie: troublemaker, lazy, no future, etc) then you can give them the ability to say "I told you so."

Hate to sound corny, but a lot of life is a learning experience. Things are put in text books for those who take-it-with-faith often. If you don't trust the text, go against it. You might just have an angle to disprove it.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

I'd ask my parent's WHY they have a problem with it. Then weigh the situation carefully. I wouldn't just go dump my gf because my parents didn't like her unless there was a good reason.

FELIPE NO

Even though I'm 13 if my parents didn't like the girl I was dating then I'd probably end the relationship. After all your parents are the ones that raised you, and they have already experienced things like this before in their lifes, so they know about it.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Quote:

We now have a very close, strong friendship. However, I am still very much in love with her, and would like very much to resume a romantic relationship. She however refuses to, due to the whole parents issue.

This is very unfair to you, and you should cut it off. How can you really call someone friend when you are being forced into such a position?

As for parents issuing such an ultimatum in the first place, it is something unthinkable in my family. To make the suggestion that one could cut off a child in such a manner and still call themselves a parent is absurd.

Jam it back in, in the dark.

Originally Posted by The Burniator

Even though I'm 13 if my parents didn't like the girl I was dating then I'd probably end the relationship. After all your parents are the ones that raised you, and they have already experienced things like this before in their lifes, so they know about it.

Dating at 13? Are you serious, boy?

There's nowhere I can't reach.

Originally Posted by ElectricSheep

This is very unfair to you, and you should cut it off. How can you really call someone friend when you are being forced into such a position?

Well, I'm not being forced into this position, per se. I choose to be in it, call me stupid if you will. To be honest, she's the closest person to me in the whole world still, someone I can just open up to speak my mind with, and vice versa. Just because she broke up with me doesn't mean she doesn't care about me or consider me a confidante. I count myself lucky we're still as close as we are (it's a lot better than my first girlfriend who left me for another girl. Snap.), but I feel that we could make a relationship work. Her parents are really the only reason why it won't. I don't know, maybe I'm asking too much.

Double Post:
God, wow. After posting that last comment, I noticed this.



Now THAT'S irony.

This thing is sticky, and I don't like it. I don't appreciate it.

My boyfirend does not have that problem, my family loves him, but it is a different story when it comes to me with his family. I has a grand time with his father cuz we often talk about the same stuff, but his mother isn't that fond of me.

I can be picky two, I have no younger sisters but I do have a cousin that I treat as a sister, we where best buds. howver i cannot stand her boyfirend... she just turned 19 and already she is preganent and he dosn't like it! too bad for him I say, not only that, but he smokes around her and throws a fit if he does not have his cigaretts on hand. both are not living in the most sanitary conditions either... from what I hear from my aunt, the place is a pigsty...

How ya doing, buddy?

This is what I'd do in this type of situation:

Ask my parents to explain what's wrong with my girlfriend. If it's reasonable, I'll take it into consideration. However, if it's something ridiculous like her not being a Christian or being a non-Caucasian race, then too fucking bad, she's still going to be my girlfriend anyway.

Besides, if the latter of the two situations were to occur, it's not like my parents are never going to speak to me again.

Also, my dad's mom didn't like my mom when my parents got married and over the years my grandma started to like her. So it's not like the parents can't eventually like the girlfriend/boyfriend.

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I wouldn't put up with it if my parents told me I had to choose between them and who I loved. Any parent who does that is a control freak and can't understand that you're not a kid anymore. Everyone has to live their own life, not the life their parents want them to live.

Too many parents expect their kids to be a younger version of themself and when they see you making a decision that they personally wouldn't make then it's automatically wrong. But most parents there is no sense even trying to argue with them over something, they think that since they're the parents that they're right no matter what regardless of how old their children have become.

Parents seem to be among the most unreasonable people on the planet, I really hope I don't end up behaving like this if I ever have kids.

What kind of toxic man-thing is happening now?

A lot of the time, it's just parents reacting to a possible worst case scenario.
It's usually about something trivial like a tattoo means he hangs out with gangs or wearing mini skirts and lotsa make up means she's slut, but there sometimes ARE legitimate concerns, which people can be oblivious to because of that fickle thing called love.

The thing with some people is that they NEVER learn, DESPITE objections and warnings, which is what parents fear most - their kids never learning from their mistakes.

FELIPE NO

Originally Posted by The Burniator

Even though I'm 13 if my parents didn't like the girl I was dating then I'd probably end the relationship. After all your parents are the ones that raised you, and they have already experienced things like this before in their lifes, so they know about it.

But how can you learn if they don't let you experience it?

That's what happened to me.

My friends were dating in 6th grade, so I asked my mom when I could start. "See me at 16."

On my 16th birthday, I asked her again (patient, wasn't I?), her response:
"See me when you're 18."

By the time I turned 18, I was like, "screw it, I'll wait until college." (I think I'd rather have had the social life than good grades, mom!)

My mother has met many of my boyfriends, or talked to them on the phone. She doesn't form an opinion just by looking at them--she actually talks to them. And if she meets them, she watches them and what they do.

But--although no man will ever be good for her "baby" (I'm the youngest), she will NEVER give me an ultimatum in choice. She believes her children should learn by doing, and if she's raised me right, I will be okay--even with a few bumps along the way.

And this is what happened with your girlfriend's parents:

They've already lost one child. They don't want to lose another. The size thing is just an excuse. They weren't able to protect her bigger, older brother together, so they feel that one small person won't be able to protect the most precious thing in their lives.

What, you don't want my bikini-clad body?

Meh, if my family had an issue with the woman I am dating (soon to marry) I'd tell them to fucking deal with it. If they couldn't deal with it, that is fine, they just wouldn't have the pleasure to know their grandchildren when that time came around.

Jam it back in, in the dark.