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| View Poll Results: Who's Better? | |||
| Author A |
  
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2 | 66.67% |
| Author B |
  
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1 | 33.33% |
| Voters: 3. You may not vote on this poll | |||
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LinkBack | Thread Tools |
 Member 194 Level 28.25 Mar 2006 |
Round 2: Pair 3
Sorry for the delay guys, but since Helloween seems to be indisposed of at the moment and due to the Shutdown recently. I believe it is time we get the third pairing up.
Author A = Afterlife Author B = Explosion rocked the street. WRITINGZORD GO!
Dekoa's Friend Quote: "You can't rape the Willing!"
Last edited by Dekoa : Mar 27, 2007 at 04:43 PM.
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Member 666 Level 39.27 Mar 2006 |
Comments moved to the new thread.
Join the Gamingforce Composition Competition Useful Stuff
Last edited by Zergrinch : Apr 13, 2007 at 11:15 AM.
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Member 666 Level 39.27 Mar 2006 |
Join the Gamingforce Composition Competition Useful Stuff
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Move 'Zig!
Member 600 Level 38.26 Mar 2006 |
Forgive me if I repeat some things others have said. I like to write my critique before I read anyone else’s so I won’t be influenced by the opinions of others.
Afterlife Inc. - Why would a “grim reaper” need a knife, and did he actually stab Gavin with it? If not, what was he doing with the knife? Why didn’t Gavin notice that there was a guy with a knife to his head? Needless to say, this part left me very confused. - I really liked the interchange between Gavin and the restaurant attendant. In my opinion, it was the most solidly written part of this story. - Now be serious. Some guy has almost lost his job and believes he has seen a serial killer and has just gotten a huge break that could solve all his problems. Do you really think he would have ignored the request that he wear a hat? - I enjoyed your “hourglass of life” idea. Very cool concept, and it was described nicely, too. - How was Gavin getting the index cards? I would assume that some of my questions would have been answered in other parts of this book/story that you didn’t submit, but there were so many unanswered questions that I wonder if this piece was a good choice for a short story submission. That, and the fact that there were quite a few punctuation errors (which are always distracting), led me to the conclusion that I wasn’t crazy about this one. The Explosion Rocked the Street I’m just going to say right off the bat that I voted for this story. It was excellent, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Here are my comments: - I loved the old slang. I’m not sure how you pulled that off, because no one I know even knows how to talk like that, but it was great. - Some of your lines were so excellent I found myself smiling. Example: “Swear to God, John…I’m moonlighting over at the Cat’s Tail tonight, and if I show up with intestine on my uniform…” - This isn’t a critique, but I had to laugh at your reference to AstraZeneca Pharmaceuticals. My husband is a sales rep for that company. - You did have a lot of typos. =/ In summary, this story was a great concept and it was written extremely well. It was funny, vivid, and your dialogue is great. I’ll be very shocked if you don’t win this round. |
