Welcome to the Exploding Garrmondo Weiner Interactive Swiss Army Penis.
GFF is a community of gaming and music enthusiasts. We have a team of dedicated moderators, constant member-organized activities, and plenty of custom features, including our unique journal system. If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ or our GFWiki. You will have to register before you can post. Membership is completely free (and gets rid of the pesky advertisement unit underneath this message).
The Everyday Adventures of New Kid and ADD/ADHD Co-Worker
Gamingforce. I've decided to introduce you to my two office-mates, and the facepalm-worthy shit they say and do every day. I give you this gift, not only for your own entertainment, but also as an outlet for myself, as otherwise I'd flip my desk and walk out of my office screaming at my boss about how an increase in unemployment taxes cant possibly be worth keeping these two around.
First, I must introduce you to our characters. Consider this the start of a sitcom, as the pilot episode has already been approved by Deni with the following review: "I sort of love these two."
The setting: my place of employment. A small 'boutique' production agency, 8 total employees. The location of this agency is a rich, predominantly white town about 45 minutes outside of New York City. Its mostly quiet, except when gang members from two towns over visit to steal the Range Rovers and purebred dogs of the rich people.
Main Character #1: Meet ADD/ADHD Co-Worker. A 23 year old just out of some crappy art school, of Jamaican descent, lives in The Bronx, and yes, has ADD/ADHD. The boss LOVES him and gives him a free pass for everything. Given the title of 'Junior Art Director', he can't do much without being given specific instructions on what to do... kinda defeating the purpose of being an 'art director'. He can't spell or read for shit, making him useless to the company in all aspects except for making the occassional pretty logo (as long as we don't ask him to spell the name of the product or company). There is a visible indent in the rug beneath his desk, from where he's constantly rubbing his feet back and forth, since he cant sit still for more than 10 minutes at a time. Every hour or two he takes a 15-20 minute smoke break, and leaves the office approximately an hour before everyone else. Throughout the day, one can constantly hear him sighing or giggling, since, if no one tells him what to do, he takes it as permission to play video games. Attempting to speak to the boss about him has only resulted in statements such as "You're just gonna have to learn to work with people like him" and "I've got a book about ADD I'd like you to read".
Main Character #2: Everyone had one in their elementary class... the annoyingly enthusiastic student who volunteered to wash the chalkboard down at the end of every week. Well, New Kid is the kind to put that kid to SHAME, the over-enthusiastic student who volunteers to shine the teacher's shoes every day. Hired straight out of college because he's the son of the boss' dog groomer, within two days of starting, New Kid was demanding a set of keys to the office and his own business cards. He's taken it upon himself to provide everyone in the office with absolutely useless, absurd facts at random points throughout the day (i.e.: "Ally, did you know that in the English language 'Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo.' is a grammatically correct sentence?!"), and nearly always has a 'I've got one better' story. He both verbally and physically celebrates any small task he accomplishes throughout the work day. Everyone in the office knows when he's decided to psych himself up for that timeline he's been asked to make, since he furiously rubs his hands together and announces, "All RIGHT, Let's DO IT." If you need anything further to understand his character, just know that he's customized and tricked out his car as if its a Honda Civic... but its a SmartCar.
Supporting Character #1: That'd be me. Our small company is growing, so until the renovations to our new office building are complete, I was moved into the same office as New Kid and ADD/ADHD Co-Worker. Since then, I've been privy to the most inane conversations, useless pieces of information, absurd questions, and countless offers of potato chips at 9:30 in the morning. (I haven't said yes yet, but they still get offended when I say 'no, thanks'.) I often find myself biting my tongue for the sake of keeping the peace, but occassionally take full advantage of the dull nature of ADD/ADHD Co-Worker by injecting some tasteful (and not so tasteful) sarcasm into the mix.
Now, for your entertainment... here are some examples of why I decided these two needed to be turned into ChocoJournal legacies:
ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!:
The first full day I was in the office with these two, at random moments in an otherwise silent office, ADD/ADHD Co-Worker would quote the movie Gladiator. Totally silent, and suddenly he'd partially whisper to himself, "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!"
After a morning of this occasional interruption, he said it once more, and then looked up, and, in all seriousness, tried talking to me about ‘how right’ Russell Crowe’s character was, that people really were entertained by Gladiator fights. Who knew Gladiator was such a philosophical movie.
Packing Peanuts:
Our office received a box through the mail, and besides the actual item we ordered, it was full of packing peanuts. I needed some help throwing them out, so I asked ADD/ADHD Co-Worker, “Hey, can you hold open this garbage bag so I can pour the packing peanuts in?”
He proceeded to give me a blank stare and ask me what a packing peanut was. Confused, I picked one out of the box and held it up to him. “This is a packing peanut… what do you call them?”
He stared blankly for another moment, and then responded, “Uh… I dunno… insulation sponges?”
And then I learned…:
After ADD/ADHD Co-Worker asked me what I thought the Starbuck’s mascot was, the subject of mythology came up. He immediately followed up with the quote: “I use to be really interested in mythology… and then I learned it wasn’t real.”
In the meantime, New Kid spent most of this day using the internet to look up the names of everyone in the office, in order to figure out what their name determines about their personality.
Twinkies:
ADD/ADHD Co-Worker stopped working, suddenly looked up from his desk, and asked us, “… Guys. Are Twinkies seasonal?”
New Kid then spent the next 45 minutes looking up useless shit on the internet about Twinkies.
Raise the Roof:
New Kid feels the need to physically and verbally celebrate all of his little achievements. Every time he does something he’s proud of, he’ll proceed to ‘raise the roof’ at his desk, along with several "YESSSSSSS" and "I AM AWESOME.". Since my desk is facing him, he’ll then turn to me with this goofy grin, expecting me to ask him what’s going on, so that he can tell me ALL about whatever it is that made him so proud of himself.
After ignoring him for so long, I think I finally have him convinced that I have no peripheral vision, and therefore can’t see him over my monitor.
Statistics:
New Kid informed the room that he was ‘looking over the statistics of the Affordable Healthcare Act’. When I glanced at his computer screen, he was on Wikipedia.
Seriously?:
After a day of not even trying to hide the fact that he was playing video games (“Why is she killing me? I’m her teammate, why would you kill your own teammate?” and “Ugh, this game is frustrating.”), ADD/ADHD Co-Worker looked at me and asked, “When am I gonna be taken seriously around here?”
I didn’t even know what to respond. All I could do was try not to smirk. I must not have done a very good job of it, since he followed it up with a small laugh and, “You have this look that says ‘never’!”
I just laughed and replied, “YOU SAID IT, NOT ME.”
Couldn’t resist:
ADD/ADHD Co-Worker tried making himself look useful by asking Tracye and myself if there was anything he could help us with. I didn't have anything for him to do, but I looked at my list of things I needed to get done anyways, just in case. Then… I couldn’t resist.
I smiled up at him sweetly and said, “No… unless you’d like to call Planned Parenthood and set up a gyno appointment for me…”
INSTANT. CHAOS.
You don't have to thank me for this, GFF. No, seriously... I'm giving you this out of the goodness of my heart. <3
