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Sian and Timberwolf - Nerd Out 2009 (With Pictures!)
Even if no one else finds this amusing...we do, and that's all that matters:
STAGE 1: 7:30-9:30ish -
Watched Hard Boiled and ate pizza...Sian ate the most pizza. She's a real man and is growing testicles as we speak (Sian adds: "PENIS!").
Comments:
The woman is a good woman, she saves the BEBEHS! Also, Chow Yun Fat's shotgun is a cannon, a man cannon.
Pizza is delicious, it tastes of grease and victory. Sian adds: "And gives me comfort when I cross-dress and my girlfriend finds me." (I just got this reference at 4 AM, go me)
So far, the junk food is untouched.
Spoiler:
(Tony Leung would totally get banged left right centre DIAGONALLY. - Sian) Because Sian is a WITCH! AHHHHHHHH!
STAGE 2: 10:00 - approx. 12:00
Chris plays Uncharted while Sian reads articles from cracked.com and sad people stories from fmylife.com. Awesome.
Spoiler:
We had a discussion about porn, specifically its annual revenues. We're nerds, the vast amount of money there is staggering. Perhaps we should make a high class porno, like Lust, Caution. Or just a porno with a LOT of tracking shots. It will make all of the plowing EPIC looking as tracking shots do. (Preferably with some inciting narrative dialogue. – Sian)
STAGE 3: 12:47
Spoiler:
Sian doesn't need hands to play video games!
Sian is starting Xenogears, she has missed the first jump in the game 4 times. She claims it doesn't matter because she is gaining experience, but inside, I can tell that her pride is hurting like a small injured duck. It limps awkwardly towards freedom.
She's found the chicken in Citan's house, it makes the most horrific chicken noise ever. She continues to startle the chicken like a small child in a gay bathhouse.
CHRIS WRITES THE LOG...LOGGINGLY...instead of reading dirty jokes as he is intended.
Chris tries to eat a swiss roll:
Spoiler:
Chris goes in...
Sian suggests I treat the swiss roll like a woman.
Sian suggests I treat the swiss roll like a cheap hooker. I raise my ring hand.
"What area of the body do you like to grope the most?" Sian asks. I have no response, but that's the fun of living with Sian...we have conversations about groping vaginas. As you do.
Sian is complaining. SIGHS. (I was complaining about the lack of zombie brains splattering on screen and wanted to play Resident Evil 5. Besides, we unlocked Sheva's tribal outfit...awww yeah - Sian)
STAGE 4: 1:30
We watch Black Books and laugh. Huzzah. I look around the room and see various cat-related paraphernalia. I immediately remember I live with 4 other women. Fun times. (I do not own any of this cat-related paraphernalia. I own only the coolest of cool things. Like Labyrinth posters. Oh yeah, magic dance bitch. - Sian)
STAGE 5: 2.27
Sian has erupted with massive flatulence. Chris continues to play Uncharted while only breathing through his mouth. Does he breathe in the fart? Perhaps it makes him stronger. The fart-imbibed man with superpowers.
Spoiler:
(SIAN TAKES OVER THE LAPTOP! He has a strange pout whilst playing video games. As shown:
Spoiler:
Which brings me to the point, you know what really creeps me out? People who have more gum than teeth when they smile. Like, they smile and then you just see this overbearing gum shield. The sorta smile where the upper labial frenulum has been completely torn off and you are left with a donkey looking smile. *shudder* I know someone like this, I can't stop LOOKING at it. (Chris’s editorial note: my friend’s boyfriend looks like a donkey when he smiles. Like he got beat with an ugly stick severely and left there to soak in his own ugly blood. He is ALL gum when he smiles, I don’t know if he has teeth or if he just skipped that step entirely.)
2:44: There is a strange tingling sensation in the back of my throat. Am I about to vomit? Let's hope not, I haven't done so since I was about 9. Chris sucks at Uncharted, he's died on the same trap about 5 times now.
To be fair, those traps are bitches, and descendents of the bitch queens that roamed the earth from approximately 1982-1987.
2.47: No vomit. I think I'm in the clear (unless someone punches me right in the fucking ovaries – Chris)
3:09: "Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding." I do like FML
3:24: Whilst Chris plays Uncharted and proceeds to pout like a sexually charged salmon, I try and find the Bosnia voting presenter from the Eurovision song contest.
3:40: The night is wearing thin when you start feeling the thickness of your clothes and the clothes of the people around you…
3:42: You REALLY know the night is wearing thin when you google would you rather questions. But really, would you rather have your face burned off with acid, or have a random child have THEIR face burnt off. I played Uncharted for 10 seconds and died.
4.00: Chris has given up on Uncharted and his caffeine boost has kicked in. He has arranged the junk food in a shrine-like formation. And he now squats on the couch, having no perception of time. And a meager perception of space. Tie-dye surrounds him. - Sian)
(CHRIS TAKES OVER THE LAPTOP AGAIN)
4:20: I’ve started taking facebook quizzes where every answer is POINTLESS. Due to my lack of mental capacity it’s all hilarious. Is facebook the way forward? No. But it is good for stupid laughs and pretending that you’re popular.
4.22: We should go to bed, why? Because frankly, work is done. We’re going to do this again…maybe not todarrow (today and tomorrow…since it’s the early morning…it’s all one…day. COUGH) but at some point we will. One of our flat mates is annoyed with us, it probably doesn’t help that we were laughing at the Bosnian presenter loudly next to her room at 3:30 in the morning.
4.27: As best buds, its’ up to me and Sianny to keep each other fit and healthy…or something. We’re supposed to be hitting the gym tomorrow…godspeed tired and fat versions of us…godspeed. Maybe the pizza will give us rocket legs and we can use them to power skip to the moon. On a slightly related note: old women power walkers. Must be the funniest things I have ever seen. If only for their steely look of determination and the 1 lb dumbbells they hold like Rigimortis has already set in.
“Maybe we should go to bed” - Chris
“Maybe you should shut the fuck up.” – Sian
4.34: Sian gives in to sleep, she wrestles with the offshoots of a rogue plant. No kidding. If the plant continues its current rate of growth it will strangle her in her sleep.
4.37: Me and Sian both farted at the same time and then high fived. My god.
4.39: Sian proceeds into hysterics about the results of her “which BADASS thing are you?” quiz, she laughs uncontrollably and shouts for something called an “inhaler”. I have no idea what the bitch is talking about. Her humor tumor continues to grow, like mold in the fold of a fat man’s paunch.
WE GIVE UP! FUCKING BODIES, SLOWING US DOWN!
SINCERELY (FUCK),
CHRIS – THE FUCKING BRICK, WHO SMASHES YOUR FUCKING FACE…MOTHERFUCKER
SIAN – THE FUCKING BADASS OWL, WHO DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK
TO BE CONTINUED!
Quotes added once the laptops were shut down:
Chris: Maybe you should go to sleep now
Sian: MAYBE you should leave your DICK in here so I can fight off the night demons
Sian: It smells of stale farts in my bed…I have to SLEEP in here.
